the sweetest revenge (eren x reader)

thornless rose

*AUTHOR'S NOTE; trigger warning, there's talk about self harm in this chapter, and it goes into a bit of detail (why reader started self harming, some graphic description)*

You accompany Levi on his walk as he talks about Eren when he was younger.
"You  think he's an asshole now? Imagine the son of a bitch at fifteen. He  had the tendency to punch walls. Do you know how many repairs we had to make because of that fucker? Fifteen was a rough ass age for that kid, he had so much pressure on his shoulders to save Paradis from the titans. Even after that though, he got suspended for fighting at least once a month. He's calmed down quite a bit." Levi  says, putting his hands in his pockets.
"He still has a temper, but  it's more verbal and his intentions are more to keep himself from getting hurt than hurting others, even though that's exactly what he does. He'd say shit to purposely piss  people off or hurt them, not even in a defence mechanism way, he was just an asshole. He once told Mikasa he hates her."
"Yeah, I heard about that." you say.
"I've heard a lot of things about him, and he definitely lives up to what they say. But...there's also a good side."
"There  really is, trust me. I'm not the type to talk highly of someone if  they're a piece of shit. It's hard to see for a lot of people, even  Mikasa now. But you've seemed to make your way through that barbed wire  covered heart of his." Levi says. You look up at the sky.
"I just wish he didn't have to make me feel so bad."
"He hasn't mentioned anything about your scars, has he?" Levi asks.
"I'll fucking murder him."
"No, no. Not at all." you reply. Levi is the only other person besides Eren and Hange that knows about your self harming issues.

*Flashback to Levi discovering your scars, a month ago.*
"Wait, Hange isn't performing this month's physical?" you asked, confused.
"Hange got caught up in some sort of new stupid experiment they're doing, so I'm taking their place this time." Levi answered. You shuttered.
"He's gonna see...everything." you thought to yourself. Your anxiety spiked.
"Uh, well... I don't really fe-"
"Relax, y/n. Just cuz I'm a guy doesn't mean I gonna pull anything. This is strictly professional, understood?"
"No, it's not that, captain!" you quickly say, making sure he doesn't have the wrong idea. You sigh.
"I'm just used to it being Hange, that's all." You stood behind a curtain so that you can undress. You're left in your undergarments, but you stayed behind the curtain, worrying about revealing yourself to Levi.
"How long is this going to take? I have other people to exam." Levi said in an annoyed tone. You took a deep breath and drew back the curtain. You kept your head down as Levi walked over to you.
"Okay, let's get this over with." Levi said. He eyed every inch of your body, poking at your rib cage and other major bones to make sure nothing was broken.
"Well, this is good, no signs of any injury from training or other, oh, wait." Levi bent down and gets close to your legs. You felt yourself start to shake.
"Damn it." you thought to yourself.
"These are quite fresh." Levi said. He looked up at you, but you averted any eye contact.
"What happened?" he questioned. You didn't say anything.
"Are you going to ignore me?"
You still say nothing.
"I'll mark you down as wounded and you'll have to go visit a real doctor, which I can tell is something you don't want to do. What happened." Levi repeated. You sighed.
"I just... it's my coping mechanism."
"For what?"
"What?"
"Coping with what?"
"Is he seriously asking me that?" you thought to yourself.
"What type of stupid question is that?"
Levi sighed.
"Has Hange seen this?' he asked. You nodded.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Levi picked up his clipboard.
"PLEASE, DON'T WRITE ME UP AS WOUNDED! I wish I could tell you why exactly I do it, but I can't. There's no real definitive reason. I get anxious easily, and when I'm alone, all of my feelings kind of just...hit me all at once when I reach my limit." you said.
"I'm not gonna write you up. But for the love of god, stop that. I don't care what the situation is." Levi went over to his desk and scribbled on a sticky note. He passed it to you.
"I don't care for electronics, but there's my number. If you feel like doing anything to yourself like that again, call me. I'll come over and kick the shit out of you instead." he said. You laughed.
"Thank you, captain."
"Now, get dressed and have a seat." he said to you. You went back behind the curtain to get back into your clothes.
"I wanna know what started this." Levi said as you sat down in the chair in front of his desk.
"What is this, a therapy session?" you jokingly asked, but Levi gives you a stern look. You sigh.
"I started when I was thirteen." you admitted.
"My father wasn't my real father, he was my step father. My dad died when I was young, and my mom remarried a couple years after. My step father was a piece of shit." you said, not adding any more detail to it.
"He doesn't need to know everything." you thought to yourself.
"Go on." Levi said.
"I was also bullied a bit in middle school, and a lot more in high school, mostly based on how I looked. I...developed later than the other girls." you said.
"I see." Levi didn't pry anything else out of you from your childhood.
"And, most recently? I'm no wound expert, but I've seen a cut or two. Those are recent, not from five years ago." Levi said. Your thoughts immediately go to Jean. You self esteem took a major blow the morning after the scouts party. Your anxiety had gotten the best of you, and it's been that way ever since. Somehow, the incident made you feel a thousand times worse about yourself than you already did.
"The day after the scouts party, sir." you said to Levi. Levi raised a brow.
"If you don't mind adding more context, y/n." he said.
"Do I have to?" you sighed. Levi nodded.
"Well, there's someone that I've liked in the survey corps for a while now. On the night of the party, we had...messed around. The next morning he told me that the girl he's liked for a long time is giving him a chance, so he just kinda dropped me."
"And that caused you to do that to yourself?" Levi asked. You nodded.
"I just felt really...used. And stupid." you said, looking down to the floor.
"I was stupid and thought I meant something more to him."
"Why am I telling him this? Why am I letting Levi know how I feel?" you thought to yourself.
"I see." Levi said again. He put his fingers on his temples.
"If it's not one thing it's another." he groaned. He looked up at you.
"You kids really stress me out."