101 Writing Tips from an Exhausted Reviewer

Most Frustrating Reviewers

It's been a hot while since I've written something in this category! I say hot because I am hot. In that, it is nearly summer, and I'm wearing long track pants, socks with bananas on them, and a jumper. What is wrong with me--

Anyways! Literal blood (that time of the month), sweat (boiling hot), and tears (idk I'll make myself cry) have gone into this chapter!

I did a long chapter -- the first ever chapter of content in this book -- about types of reviewers. But, after that, people continued to ask me to do a vent about reviewers again. Specifically, about the most frustrating ones.

But first! A shout-out to all the amazing reviewers and judges out there: you make the world shine a bit brighter with every chapter you click through.

Now, let's just get straight into venting. These are the most frustrating reviewers that I'm sure we've all come across/heard about at some point. Feel free to add your own points to this list!

THE ABDUCTED.

[insert muffled screaming]

Okay, I'm embarrassed because I swore this wouldn't be me... but then I disappeared for four months while I still had four reviews to do. This is awful. This is sick. I am still deeply ashamed.

So yes! Please be understanding! Sometimes, their laptop dies, or something in their life has greatly affected them and made it difficult to review. It's always appreciated when they leave a notice, but sometimes, circumstances make it hard to do so.

And, of course it's frustrating! We sign up, do the payment... then nothing.

But you know what's more frustrating?

THE PSEUDO-ABDUCTED.

[insert pseudo-muffled screaming]

Because these ones are active. They update their story. They write messages on their noticeboard.

But there have been no reviews in the review store for sixteen years.

And all your messages get ignored.

And all your pigeon mail gets tossed in the fire.

And all your tears are enough to singlehandedly save the world by creating a rainforest.

You get the gist! It sucks when their review store randomly disappears, but they're still active, and they block you when you ask about how the review is going. It's hella frustrating.

THE TAX OFFICE.

You stare at the tax office receptionist. "Pardon me? So, from my $1000 work salary, I only get to keep—"

They rip the envelope from your hands. Then, rummaging through their pockets, they hand you a little coin. It's not even a real one — it's a bottle cap.

"Pleasure doing business with you!"

These ones ask for the most ridiculous payments. Like seriously.

Some of them, I understand! Like if this reviewer is going to read your whole story, and write a detailed review with lots of elaboration, then yes -- payment of "reading through my story, leaving comments, following me, etc." feels very fair! Because you know you're about to get something amazing, so do the reviewer a favour and give them some love!

However, when-- wait. What was that, reviewer I just asked a review from? You want me to follow you, and your three other accounts, and your mum's account, read your whole story and vote on every chapter, leave seventy comments on each chapter, give you a shout-out, sell my soul to Satan, give you my netflix account password and, optionally, check out your graphic design book?