The Carrero Contract - Finding Freedom (Book 3 of Contract Trilogy)

2

"It was always real. I never lied to you. I never once played games with you. You had me even when I didn't want it to be so. You changed everything for me ... and you ripped down all my defences until I was nothing. You made me love you, you complete fucking idiot, and then you destroyed me. I did nothing wrong. I never deserved that." I wail at him, in frustration, heartbreak and despair. Angry that it all comes down to this. That he thought I was playing him all that time. That his cruel wanker side was on the full offensive because he believed I was nothing more than a manipulating whore out to get his money, his power, or maybe just his heart, so I could become his puppeteer. Just a devious gold digger in his eyes who came with a bad reputation for being just that.

He has no clue how wrong he was, how deep my feelings for him ran or how for the first time in my life I tried to be someone else. Someone who could hold her head a little higher. I wanted to be better than I was.

"I know that now. I do, and I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say that to you." Alexi seems completely submissive once more, backing down at my spew of pain. Shell-shocked in his posture and just not his usual confident sadistic self. Every part of him is almost screaming at me that this is not an act.

My head and heart are torn at whether I should believe this.

I don't know this man in front of me right now, and my head is swimming and reeling and knocking everything out of whack. I'm just engulfed with so much hostile energy as it brims up inside of me, needing a release. I can't trust him. Anytime I do he flips me upside down and crushes my soul and I shouldn't believe him.

Maybe because of the climactic emotional breakdown followed by an overly majestic orgasm at this man's hands ... I'm now suffering a pent-up release of everything all at once and it's manifesting in sheer rage. Bubbling up like an explosive volcano and I have so much desire to smack him around his stupid head with my shoes.

Alexi silently stares at me as though he has no clue how else to be, or maybe this is part of his game. His plan.

Fuck knows what this even is anymore. I don't know.

My internal fear and chaos erupt beautifully, unable to hold it in. All the memories and thoughts, conflicting and confusing facts. I push off from my corner, stand tall and come at him with all the fire and fight that dragged me out of those dirty London streets so long ago.

"You're a liar ... you are a fucking liar. I was there. I remember all of it. You don't do that to someone you love. You don't treat people the way you treated me and then tell them it's because you loved them. You don't fucking come back from all of that with a little sorry." I'm seething and spitting teeth, unable to conceal my fury anymore. Hating that his excuses are to justify what he did to me.

Nothing justifies what he did. He can never understand the depth of what he put me through. There's a permanent black hole in my soul that is devil shaped and nothing in the world can fix that.

It's better to be angry at him because rage stops the weakness in me from believing his sweet little words and love confession. It stops me being a dumb hopeful and falling for his bullshit all over again. It stops me hoping that I can ever mean something to anyone and being stupid enough to get sucked in.

"I can explain." He starts but I don't let him finish. That inner psycho gaining strength. So not doing this shit with him again.

"EXPLAIN!! EXPLAIN WHAT?? That you are a twisted sadist who screwed me over in every way he could and now tries to pull this shit on me? That I'm supposed to believe you now, because for some reason, you decided to stop playing with my emotions? Am I supposed to swoon at your feet and forget it all because ... Oh, my Lord ... the sadistic prick actually loves me?" I spit it at him, tears clouding my vision from the sheer force of everything coming out. Voice breaking but I don't care. He has me stripped naked and raw in all my painful glory and now he can suffer the consequences of that.