The Carrero Contract - Finding Freedom (Book 3 of Contract Trilogy)

42

"Hey. You okay? Don't be scared."

It's Alexi. I would know that sexy tone anywhere, and as my eyes adjust, I can see his tattoo peeking up under his jacket collar to confirm I'm not imagining things. Bringing me back to the here and now even though my body is poised and caught in an instinctive ready to run mode. Heart hammering through my chest as I try to work him out, steeped in mistrust. Guarded and nervous.

"So, you're talking to me now?" It's a knee-jerk reply, covering my thundering heart rate and shaking limbs, ignoring his question and I pull away from him, so his hand no longer moulds to the base of my spine, aiming to walk away and give him a dose of his own medicine. Put distance between us so he can't see how rattled I am. How emotionally fragile this is making me.

Two of us can be cold and uncaring. If he can't touch me, he can't feel how much of an effect this place and his mood is having on me.

I haven't felt this alone and afraid in weeks, maybe months. I never thought I would feel it because of him again.

Alexi catches my wrist as I start to move away, to gain some breathing space, and pulls me back to him firmly but gently and gives me no choice but to follow. He slides his arms around me and pulls me up against his body, despite my initial rejections. I have no say. He is strong and swift, and I'm manoeuvred into a hug with very little effort. I don't even fight him, tiredness sucking all my energy away, and combined with his touch, I just give in.

"I'm sorry. I needed some headspace and time to think. I didn't mean to upset you. You look like you're thinking of running straight back out the door. What's wrong, Cam?" He sounds broken too. Voice raspy, low, unsure. A hint of sadness in there that indicates he isn't lying.

That ends me and all my combative instincts on the spot. Like being hit with a sudden shot of warm air after being out in the cold. Return of soft and loving and I'm a complete wuss. Crumbling to him like some needy wanton pathetic woman, so desperate for the side of him that only I get to see. I wrap myself up in him and slide my arms around his waist, nestling my face against his chest, inhaling his smell, and close my eyes to breathe him in. Tears brim up instantly and I literally give up all my strength and sag into him, relieved for this contact and a return of the man I love. All the pain from the last couple of hours forgotten in one cuddle. I'm completely hopeless.

"You," I mumble quietly, everything from my defensive 'show him you don't care' slipping away and I'm once again at his mercy. Close to breaking down and sobbing against him. Relieved to just feel him, for that gentler side to be mine all over again.

"I'm an asshole, we both know that. I was processing, and you didn't seem to want me anywhere near you." He kisses me on top of my head, strokes my hair down my back and squeezes me snugly to him with both arms.

I squint at that statement and look up at him questioningly, head racing over the last few hours but he looks back and raises his brows as if to confirm it. A look that says 'right?'

Thinking back, I guess I really was just as responsible for the icy space between us coming here. He was closed off, and I made no attempt to talk to him either. I didn't touch him, didn't walk with him, and anytime I felt his eyes stray to me I held my ground and didn't acknowledge him. We were both doing it and I spent the entire time acting like it didn't affect me. Maybe like me, he pondered that I didn't want him near me and was hurting as much as I was. With more reason. Glancing my way, agonising over my coldness, and being affected and insecure as much as me.

I rejected being married to him then I literally kept my distance all the way here. I can see why he didn't wake me in the car now. He felt pushed away, and that's why he seems so sad now. Both of us lost in our own heads to cool off and think while we should have been talking and touching, like this.