Lady Unlike Any

24. Cowardice

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."― William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

Kathalina looked at the note in horror. It was supposed to be with her parents in her house and not in Kentshire manor with William. Now she understood why her parents thought she was with the child because they didn't receive her missive from that night she spent with William in Kentshire manor.

It was a mere misunderstanding, she had a good explanation to give William but when she looked up at the man she loved all she saw was pain.

That horrible pain she knew. She had gone through it herself when her parents had told her William was the one who tarnished her name in the ledger. She couldn't trust him like he didn't trust her anymore.

The look in his eyes was the same she saw in the mirror, of heartbreak, distrust, of feeling empty that never could be fulfilled by anyone else. Kathalina lost all courage to speak, she knew he wouldn't believe even a single word from her. The words written on the note were hers and he believed it more than he will believe in her.

What was this feeling of hopelessness?

Is this what defeat feels like?

Standing there in front of each other, with the pain they have given each other, they should be fighting like the worst enemy. They ought to find the strength of their love that still exists but that same love had made them unable to take a step further in the fear that it would all be true. That their hearts would break all over again. There won't be any way out from the pain they have given each other.

She knew the silence around them had made it completely clear this was the end for them and yet she wanted to try and catch that last thread of hope.

"William," Kathalina said through hesitation. 

"Leave," William said in a manner that broke no negotiation.

"At least listen to me," Kathalina pleaded.

"Leave now," William said unable to look up at her, "I do not want to make a scene by throwing you out of the manor."

"You wouldn't do that," Kathalina said exasperated.

"I am asking for the last time, leave now," William said once again without looking at her, "Don't make me call the guards, Kate."

"You won't call the guards on me, I know you William Kentshire. You won't create a disturbance in your family celebration that can paint your family reputation on tomorrow's ledger," She said angrily.

"You should be worrying about your own reputation, my lady," William said seething.

"The reputation that you already ruined," Kathalina sent a final blow.

William heard her words perfectly and yet the silence that ensued was like a hammer on his heart.

"What? What do you mean?" William said his back facing her for the fear she will see the truth on his face clearly.

"Weren't you the one behind my library debacle painted in the ledger?" Kathalina asked.

William turned around with shock written on his face. It was like the final ray of sun that shines so brightly right before fading away in an instant and darkness sweeping over.

"How did you find out?" He asked hesitantly.

Kathalina had believed her parents' words when they told her William was the one who started all this, he was the cause of all her misery and she believed nothing could hurt her more than that but like always she was wrong this time too.