NICKNAMES [1], jj maybank

CHAPTER 5

NOW IT'S 1AM, the rest of the group has gone home but JJ usually switches between my place and John B's to sleep at when he knows his dad is going to be home and drunk or high. We're sitting on the roof area by my room smoking another blunt like I told him we would. 

"Can you believe that Simon dude?" I inhale the weed and blow it out into the moon and stars. Watching as it circles around them. JJ shrugs,"It's fucked up but you can't think too much into it. I know the situation is uh, similar but it wasn't you."

I'm overthinking it, I'm just simply upset. Jessie is nowhere to be found, presumed dead by her own children. What if she isn't even dead and she finds out her kids just gave up. "Stop frowning-" He flicks me on my forehead "-look, we can try to find this Simon dude. Would that help?"

Would it? This dude would have no reason why two teenagers are just yelling at him. He'd think we're crazy, might even call the police.

"We can look, I hope he's dead though." JJ laughs at my words and passes the blunt. It's beginning to get short so the warmth is getting closer and closer to my fingers. I look into the water and admire how pretty it looks. The moon right above it as fish and dolphins and sharks swam throughout their homes. "Do you think fish get cheated on?" I ask, still staring, wondering if they have their own little holidays.

"I think you've had too much to smoke, pigeon," JJ comments. For some reason I feel higher than earlier today, maybe it's a mix of emotions that make me feel higher. I don't mind it though, I like being able to think about all the fish, who can just swim where and whenever.

I'm suddenly jealous of the fish.

"I wish I was a fish," I tuck my knees in and my head on my knees. "Why is that?" JJ copies my movements and looks at me. We smile at each other. He looks so pretty in the moonlight. Why have I never noticed? Nah, nah. Maybe I am too high.

"I want to be able to swim wherever, go anywhere really. Not have to worry about anyone."

"You don't want to worry about anyone?" JJ pouts.

I lift my head off my knees,"I'd worry about you even if I turned into a fish. You've got too many issues not to." JJ fake gasps at me. He pretends to flip his short hair making us both giggle. "You have issues too. You're worried about a couple you never even met."

"Maybe because I'm scared I'll end up like them. No matter who I date," The truth spills out, making me cover my mouth with my hand. "I'm going to use your name. Not because you're in trouble but because you're being ridiculous. Sam, I hate being mushy, maybe it's because I'm high as fuck—" He fixes his hair and faces towards me "—but I told you earlier. You're worth it. And I'm—none of us—will abandon you. Especially when you've gone crazy, crazy Sam is cool."

   JJ's eyes look really bright even in the dark. The stupid feeling dropping in my stomach. I turn away from him to help stop with the weird stomach feeling. "What has 'crazy Sam' done that was so cool," I ask.

   'Crazy Sam' honestly scares me sometimes. Sometimes I wouldn't even remember what I did and would need one of them to remind me why I wake up with a busted lip or a cut randomly on my body. They thought it was because I was either drunk or high and don't remember but in reality I blacked out with anger or just this feeling of 'I can do whatever I want.'

  "When you dumped a drink on the girl that was talking shit about Kie."

See, I remember that. This girl named Nina was talking shit about Kie, saying she gets passed around the group. "That wasn't crazy to me. That was just me," I comment. I was just defending my best friend.