NICKNAMES [1], jj maybank

CHAPTER 20

IT'S A FRIDAY NIGHT.

  I haven't been to school in two days and haven't talked to JJ in two days. The others, including Kie, have texted me but all I can always reply with is I'm okay. They know it's a damn lie because I never isolate myself like this. I need distractions constantly or I feel as though I'll lose it.

   I honestly have no idea why seeing Weston is affecting me this much but I fucking hate it. I find myself staring out the window of my room a lot the past two days.

  The bonfire is happening right now. John B offered me a ride but I denied it and I'm starting to regret it.

  I just don't think I could deal with seeing JJ with girls because everytime it feels like maybe—just maybe—I could have him, one of us fucks it up.

  I stare at the time on my phone.

  8:35pm

   Fuck it. I need to leave the house and this is an easy excuse.

   I jump off the bed and fix myself up. The purple bags extend far too much on my face from lack of sleep.

   I look good for the first time in two days and it cheers me up a bit. The tension as I leave my room and go downstairs is still—very much there but only to me because everyone else is fine. It bothers me for some reason that they can just move on so quickly. Then again, I have no idea why I feel like this. I'm used to his bullshit.

   I stare at my keys but decide a walk would be more beneficial. I might regret it with my boots but I'll survive. My home isn't that far from The Cut so the boneyard is pretty close. I cross over the long ass piece of cement that splits the island up. There's people illegally fishing and younger teens sitting on it.

  It's the middle of September and I crave the fall we barely get in Outer Banks. I've traveled to other states thanks to Brandon and Justin and the beautiful fall that Oregon gets makes me jealous of those who live there. Weed being legal is also a bonus.

  Maybe I'll move there, convince my friends to come with me even though JJ is stuck on fucking Yucatan.

   I hear the music and screaming in the distance and I get a bit more excited. The numbness leaves my body a bit but then I remember it's my first party since the rumor. It's been dying down but I still get the occasional comment on my social media about it.

  At this point now I can see people as my boots hit the sand. There's a lot more people here this week. I stuff my hands in my sweater pockets. People say hi as I make my way through the party.

"Sam!" Bailey's voice calls out and then I feel a grab on my shoulder. I haven't had a proper conversation with her in a while and I'm happy to see her.

  I expect Kie to be with her but when I turn around she's not there. "Hey, Bailey. How are you?" She goes in for a hug and I awkwardly hug her back. "I'm fine but how are you? Listen, I'm really sorry about Dean—"

  I stop her immediately,"Why are you apologizing for him? You didn't do anything. You helped me so thank you." I smile at her. Bailey is just so kind and sometimes I feel like if it wasn't for Adrien, me and her could have been more serious. I no longer have feelings for her anymore, obviously but it's just sometimes in the back of my head. "Kie's not with you?"

  Bailey's face drops. I want to stay subtle but I speak before I think, "Oh, did you guys stop hanging out?"

"No, maybe. I don't know. She texts me a lot and talks to me in school but everytime I invite her out, she rejects me."