NICKNAMES [1], jj maybank

CHAPTER 24

A DAY GOES BY—no one hears from JJ and he doesn't show up to class. We all decide to leave him be, he'll be back tomorrow. Even if the feeling in my stomach wants to slam on his front door and yell at him or at least just see JJ.

   It's Wednesday now. JJ didn't reply to our texts for a ride. I'm mad at him but I wake up and text him.

let me know ur okay please.

   Not even read. It just stays on delivered.

   My anxiety is terrible right now. I can't eat and if I try to I throw it up. I can't even pay attention in class because all these possibilities of JJ being hurt because of me is all I can think of. I'm the reason he went home on Monday.

   JJ and Luke being angry in the same house is never a good idea, them being in the same house in general is a bad idea. Pope and John B aren't worrying as much, repeating to me how resilient JJ is. I hope he's at his cousin's house. It's all I can really hope for if he's not with us.

It's fucking Thursday and still nothing from JJ. I asked Blake if JJ has been around for Vanessa and he said he has no idea. I want to throw up, violently.

  I hate the anxiety pit in my stomach. I'm too drained to even keep up with whatever Pope and JB are saying as we drive to school. Something about some show they watch. My head is leaned against the van window but the bumps in the road don't even bother me.

    We get to the school and I feel like I have cement blocks tied to the bottom of my feet. Pope opens the door for me and pouts a bit at the sight of me, which I hate by the way.

"Don't look at me like that, Pope."

"Like what?" I can't tell if he's playing dumb or genuinely doesn't realize. "Your pouty face, I don't appreciate it," I force myself to hop out of the van. "I don't mean to have one—"

"Well, you do." I know I shouldn't be giving Pope attitude but I'm hungry and sad and paranoid. It's not anything towards Pope, it's everything towards myself. John B glares at me but I ignore him. The walk to the school doesn't feel right for the third day in the room because the loud blonde isn't trying to annoy me and talk about something ridiculous.

   Everyone in front of the school, including us, turns as a car screeches down the road. It's going way too fast for a school zone. I recognize this fucking car. The shitty beat up sleeper car that the car guys on the island think are so innovative. The car pulls into the school parking lot and everyone's eyes stay on it. This car—it'll drive me crazy—

   "It's JJ's cousin's beat up sleeper car." They both look at me immediately like the mention of JJ might cause a mental breakdown. I don't need them treating me like a wilting flower, I get it enough from JJ.

    "Does that mean he was with him and not Luke?" Pope stays facing the direction of the car even though it isn't in view anymore. "I hope that's true, Pope." I want to run to JJ but I'm mad and he's mad but I miss him. I wonder if he misses me or was all his energy taken up by my sister. I can be mad and be worried. The car pulls out again, grabbing everyone's attention and I see there's one less person in the car. "Is he gonna talk to us?" I ask them.

"Who the fuck knows, Sam," John B shrugs his shoulders. I can feel the anxiety get worse. Each person that turns the corner is another shot to my chest. Then, the worst shot comes to my chest.

     JJ turns the corner. Head down. Headphones in. "Don't make me the one to speak up," I tell them.

   Pope leans down to me slightly, "We figured that out when he pulled in." His attitude matches mine from earlier and I can't even be mad. He gets closer and I want to slam my head into the brick wall of the school behind me. He takes his headphones out and relief washes over me.