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TW: THE MENTIONING OF SELF-HARM. PLEASE SEEK HELP BY READING THE RESOURCES BELOW IF NEEDED. I LOVE YOU

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Ellie Webber

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Ellie Webber

Losing your virginity.

To many virginity is just a concept. I was force-fed from a young age that virginity was something so special and to never trust anyone enough to just give it to someone. Virginity meant purity. It meant that I was still innocent. It meant that I wouldn't have a teen pregnancy. It meant that I wouldn't catch a sexually transmitted disease. It meant that I wouldn't have a tie to the person I had lost my virginity to.

But as I grew within age I realise that virginity was a social construct that some chose to follow and others didn't.

I did follow it.

But at the last second, I decided to throw it out the window.

I tried to fit in that night. I tried to fit in with the crowd.

I was so desperate for a new experience and Mithcell was hot off the press, good news for me. And I believe that Mitchell is looked down upon a lot. He is disgusting, I'll admit it. But at least he stopped when I told him to.

Most guys wouldn't have stopped after they put the condom on.

I know, it's the bare minimum but it's true.

And I think that's why I hated the fact that I just didn't end up losing it to Mitchell that night. I had let Sloane's words get in my head. I tried to find a man to make me happy instead of books. I tried to become a different person. I tried to convince myself that this college wasn't all that bad if I had someone like Mitch.

But he still had bragging rights over me as I did with him.

I want to say that the tattoo he had was disgusting, which it was and I'm thankful he had it removed. But, I bragged about fucking him to my grandparents and brother. My brother beat the shit out of him for 'taking my virginity. When in all reality, Mitch hadn't done anything.

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