Love, Sex, Diamonds (Madison/You)

thirty six

My heart was thumping. Or at least that's what it felt like. Although my chest was tight and it felt as if my stomach was curdled into a ball, full of confusion and fear, I knew what I was feeling wasn't there.

My heart had stopped. I had felt it.

My vision had gone black but I was still conscious. I tried to reach out for anything but I couldn't move. I couldn't feel or touch or anything. I was floating in an empty plain where I could hear nothing but myself.

HELP!

I tried. It came out only as a whisper and echoed all around me.

Was this it? Did I finally do it? Had I finally gone too far and finished myself off?

Maybe I was in a coma.

No.

I knew I was dead.

Then I felt my chest flutter. My heart was beating again. But then it stopped. I felt something touch my lips and tasted air. My heart wasn't beating, someone was doing CPR on me.

It began thumping again and I could feel a slight pressure on my chest. I don't know how long they did CPR on me. It felt like ages. The constant routine of twenty thumps upon my chest, and then air flowing through my mouth.

I must've been too far gone. I could tell that whoever was performing it on me was getting tired--

OW! What the fuck?

I almost screamed. I could feel the words on the tip of my tongue but they came from my mind.

My chest was now on fire. It felt like someone had stuck a knife into my chest.

My heart constricted on its own, but I knew whatever they tried wouldn't be enough--

I shot up and grabbed my chest. My heart had been kickstarted and was thumping painfully in my chest.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK?" I yelled in pain, looking down to see two needles sticking out of my chest.

I was in an ambulance and two paramedics were staring at me, astonished. I grabbed the needles and ripped them out, letting them drop next to me on the cot I found myself sitting on.

I looked around, bewildered. I could see again. I could feel. I could hear the engine of the ambulance, smell the chemicals in the air and taste the vomit that had dried on my lips.

I was alive.

The paramedics pulled me back into a laying position and threw an oxygen mask over my mouth.

"Per favore, rilassati. andrà tutto bene," one of the paramedics said to me. "You need to relax, you will be fine now." His Italian accent was thick along with his arms. I reached out and touched them, too relieved to be alive then to care about boundaries.

"How long was I out?" I breathed heavily, feeling around the bed to grab ahold of something. My heart was still racing.

"About an hour. We had to inject you with adrenalin to bring you back," he answered. I eyed the two syringes next to me.

"Twice?"

"No harm in trying."

"Jesus christ, you're so right."

And then I passed out. But I didn't die... again. This time, I passed out due to the stress on my body and the exhaustion that came with the adrenalin, or two adrenalin.

I woke up with a dry mouth and a weight in my hand.

"What day is it?" The first words that came out of my mouth. I licked my lips but my tongue was completely dry. You could declare it a national desert.