Untouchable - maya and carina

chapter 42 - one month later

1 month later 

it had been a month and Maya and carina had both started going to therapy again, both separate and together which was helping with carina's eating disorder and Maya's urges but now they were feeling the aftermath of it all. 

ava was being really clingy again which seemed sweet at first until it started getting extreme. she wouldn't let them take long in the shower without getting them to shout out that they were ok, she was continuously checking on them, if carina said she wasn't hungry then she would start freaking out and when they brought it up with the therapist they said it was common being in the situation she was in. 

ava was also starting to act out and doing things she wouldn't do before which sparked the new problem of carina and Maya not being able to say anything about it without it reminding her of her dad. at the minute everything was under control, carina was having regular feeds without any resistance, Maya's self-harming urges had calmed down and she had coping mechanisms in place to deal with it but ava just didn't feel as if she fit in. 

she was dealing with too much to be a kid but didn't feel like she was an adult because she was only 15 which Maya and carina were struggling to help her with as she was pushing them away 

ava's POV

"so what do you want to be?" my therapist asks me

"hm?"

"well, if you could choose, would you want to feel like a kid or like an adult?"

"a kid"

"whys that?" she asks, she was nice, I had been to 3 other people before her but none of them understood what I said and were trying to get me to feel things I didn't feel

"because I've never been a kid before, I've never had 2 moms so I actually want to have them but I also don't want them to stop telling me about things"

"and that's understandable and you can find a middle ground, you can get to be the kid you've never been before but your moms won't stop telling you when somethings wrong"

"you said if I could choose but I can't choose," I tell her

"you cant actively choose but if you accept the fact that you don't want to feel like an adult with all the responsibilities then subconsciously you will stop trying to stop yourself when you do something that's child-like,"

"I don't want to be treated like a baby" I admit

"you won't be, you'll be treated like a 15-year-old who needs their parents but doesn't want to shut out the realities of life" she explains 

"I think I want that"

****

"you can't sleep?" Maya asks me as she comes into my room

"nope" I sigh, her coming over next to the bed and putting her hand out to me

"come on" 

"hm?" I mumble, her dragging me into their room

"We haven't done this in ages" she smiles, pulling me in between them as carina gets the extra blankets out

"This is random" I laugh as Maya wraps her arms around me

"so? you're our baby, we get to do things like this," she says as I smile into her chest

"I love you both," I say quietly as mama's tracing a pattern on my shoulder

"We love you too Bambina"

"Close your eyes baby," Maya says as she stroking the back of my head

"don't worry about anything Bambina, go to sleep" I hear carina whisper as I let myself relax in my mom's arms, knowing everyone's ok

******

carina's POV

I woke up the next day with ava still attached to me, awake but laying with her eyes closed

"are you ok Bambina?" I ask as she nods into my chest

"I brought food," Maya says coming in with food for her and ava, ava not moving though

"come here Bella," I say, managing to get her sitting up with me, resting her head on my shoulder, "can you eat this for me?" I ask, holding some food up to her as she shakes her head

"what's wrong bubs?" Maya asks her as she lays back down, holding onto me, "you just want to cuddle?" she adds as she nods, Maya laying down as well, ava putting one of her arms around her

"we've got you baby" Maya says quietly, 

*******

that night 

maya's POV

"she's still asleep?" I ask carina as she comes out of our room

"no, she's just laying there, I mean, the past few months have been terrible I don't blame her for being like this"

"do you ever feel guilty?" I ask her as she sits next to me

"hm?"

"I mean, she was meant to come to us to get away from all the bad stuff and I feel like we caused her more trouble. we don't physically abuse her but going through all of this stuff has got to cause some kind of trauma"

"I know, but we're trying, we're getting our own help, she's getting hers, it has got to be better going through it at least knowing you have people there"

"yeah, I just want to stop it though, I want to be the perfect mom whose only worry in the world is making sure she's ok" I sigh

"we'll get there"

"you're not going to get rid of me are you?" ava asks, coming out of the bedroom

"what? no, of course not, we cant get rid of you, you're our daughter" I say instantly, noticing ava being really distant

"you can't get rid of me- I- I can't go back there" 

"Ava?" I ask, getting up and going over to her

"I- I knew you wouldn't want me- I'm- I'm too much- please don't-," she stutters, not looking at me as she backs herself into a corner

"ava, look at me," I tell her as she lifts her gaze, looking at me briefly, her breathing speeding up

"I don't want to go- please don't make me go- i- im sorry- ill be better-,"

"ava, what do you need?"

"I don't- I don't know," she whispers, sitting on the floor against the wall as I move to sit next to her

"come on, take a breath," I say as she's shaking and taking shallow breaths, "we're not going anywhere, ok? you're ours, you're our baby, we're never getting rid of you," I tell her, hoping it will somehow calm her down

"Mom?" she asks, her eyes filling with tears 

"ok, it's ok, I'm here" I whisper, pulling her into me and resting her head on my shoulder, as carina comes over and sits on the other side of her "we've got you ava, me and your mama, we're never getting rid of you, ever,"

"I need you," she says shakily

"I know, and we need you too, you're our baby girl, you're not going anywhere, ok?"

"you promise?"

"We promise ava," I say strongly, kissing her forehead 

"I love you mom" 

"I love you too baby"

"I love you, mama"

"I love you too Bambina"

A/N

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