D A M A G E D • HS

21

TW: description of puking,
mentions of drugs and addiction

HARRY P.O.V

Regrets, we all have them. There is something that everyone wishes they didn't do, meet, think about.

Regrets are a part of life. It's a thing that we all have to deal with whether we want to or not.

I myself have a fair share of regrets, some are worse than others.

Regrets such as cutting my hair super short freshman year, going through a polo shirt phase, or eating with my phone in my hand while walking over a bridge, and dropping it in the water.

I've done plenty of things that I wish I didn't. None of them however, are so bad that it haunts me...well all but one.

So yes, I regret things in life, but there are also things that to others might seem like regrets, but in reality are something I wouldn't change for the world.

There are decisions that I made that feel like the best decisions ever like joining lacrosse, getting tattoos, or traveling back home to visit my friends during the holidays.

Then, there are the I don't knows. The decisions where I'm not quite sure if I regret it, or not. The ones that make me question myself the most.

Like, skipping school to smoke with Arlo, opening up a little bit to Arlo, approaching Arlo at a party, having sex with Arlo, or stumbling over to Arlo when I was belligerently drunk.

Do I regret those things? I don't know. Am I glad those things happened? I don't know.

Now more than not, I find myself constantly questioning myself. I over analyze everything, especially any time it involves the girl with chocolate doe eyes.

At the same time the girl with chocolate doe eyes subconsciously makes me do questionable things that I never did before.

I've said this once, and I'll say it again till the end of my time. Arlo Steele has me fucked up bad.

So fucking bad that when I found her sitting outside on a lonely curb with only the stars in the sky keeping her company, I smiled, genuinely.

I could blame the alcohol in my system for that. My impaired mind made me do something that I never do, but I can't. I know deep down inside that I smiled because I missed seeing her all week.

I missed her

Now do I have some underlying feelings for Arlo Steele? Absolutely not. I could never like her in a romantic way...ever.

That doesn't mean I didn't miss her. Sure she may be the most annoying being in my existence, but the sense of being able to feel things when I'm around her is addicting.

I missed the passionate anger I feel when I'm around her. I missed the overwhelming sense of pride I feel when I get under her skin. I missed the weird warmth in my chest when we bantered with each other.

She's slowly becoming a vital part of my day. If I don't get my dose of her, I feel lost, empty, confused. I now understand what an addiction is.

An addiction by definition is the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity; physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects.

My substance is Arlo Steele. Mentally I am dependent on her to feel, without her I have side effects that dampen me beyond repair, and only she can reverse the effects.