D A M A G E D • HS

62

TW: quick mention of
drug and alcohol

ARLO P.O.V

You never truly realize how awful of a person you are until someone you've never really talked to before points out just how much of a bitch you are.

The fact that Hunter noticed how awful of a friend I am to Alli and Nini sent me into a mental spiral. I truly don't deserve the two of them as friends, yet they've never given up on me.

How could I have treated them for so long like absolute shit, and they still welcome me with open arms. I'm clearly a toxic person, especially to them. I've always known I was a horrible friend, but having it pointed out by someone who isn't myself makes my stomach knot with guilt.

I'm not saying that I'm changing, but after last night, and this morning, it dawned on me that I need to do better as a human being. If I can accept Harry with open arms, and allow him to see the positive side of me, then who am I to keep that from my two best friends.

They are the two people who have been there for me since the beginning. When no one was my friend they were. When people talked shit they would reassure me that it's not true. When I was going through something they never pried. They would let me be, and allow me to deal with my emotions the way I wanted to.

I've ignored them for the past month. What kind of friend does that to the two people who have shown nothing but kindness? I mean, I've ignored everyone, but ignoring them out of everyone shouldn't even be an option.

They've tried reaching out multiple times, but I didn't respond or even look at anything they sent me. I pretended like they didn't exist, like my two best friends weren't real.

God, I'm awful

I need to do better...no I want to do better. If the universe has given me a second chance with Harry despite everything I've done, then maybe I should take it as a sign that there are other people I need to mend my relationship with.

On top of that, my thoughts have also drifted to Miller and his text he sent early asking me where the fuck I was and that I needed to call him asap.

Just because I have Harry back doesn't mean I'm going to be left off the hook. I still need to do shit for my father. How can I double trying to be a somewhat normal teenager, and still carry out whatever bullshit my father wants me to do?

I didn't think of it, and now that I am I feel panicked, paranoid even. What if something happens to Harry? I still can't forget Miller's words from that night.

"We have eyes everywhere, Arlonza. Everywhere on you."

My heartbeat quickens thinking about his words. Do they know where Harry lives? How can I protect him at all times? Who is watching me, why are they watching me?

I haven't felt the paranoia from his words until right now because I didn't have Harry anymore, but now that I do all the anxiety I blocked out is suffocating me.

Is someone watching us right now? Does anyone I talk to or am close to become a target?

"Arlo." I hear a faint whisper tickle my ear. "Arlo." I can't speak. I am such an idiot for not thinking of all this through, now I have to think of a way to keep everyone safe. I can't let any of them get involved. I shouldn't be involved with them anyways...I'm a killer. "Baby!"

A hand shakes my shoulder, snapping me out of my head. I look to the side, and meet Harry's sage green eyes which are close to mine. His breath is hitting my cheek, which causes a shiver to ripple down my spine.