Angels

Still with you

"Happy death day Jonghyun!" I shouted as I jumped over him and bounced the bed till he wasn't awake.

"Huh?" He opened only one eyes while asking me without words to continue.

"On earth, it's 18th December already " I whispered and I felt how unconsciously my face muscles changed and got more tense, how my eyes became blurry and how I stopped breathing.

"Why are you crying " he laughed and brought me closer to hug, " I might have died a year ago but we are together again aren't we?" He laid down and scooped me closer next to his side, we were laying down on the cloud as we watched the starry night. 

"I feel bad tho. From all days I chose Christmas to die." I mumbled and looked the other side. I felt how he vibrates next to me and just laid his head on my heart, listening to nothing anymore.

"Boys will make it. I believe in that. I-" He stopped and closed his eyes, frowning but soon relaxing

"Okay. Let's go see them" I smiled and stood up, helping him up as well.

We stepped out from the cloud and fell to the earth instantly, walking on the street like a normal people but no one really felt or saw us.

We did this often. Visiting the earth was out favorite 'hobby' after we passed away. We had fun even though sadness and sometimes pinch of regret didn't bit us painfully.

We finally found his home and went in, just to see the boys quietly cleaning up the space. They were all ready eyed while rubbing of off the dust that has been made on the shelves.

"I miss them" Minho chocked out, falling to his knees as he started sobbing again.

"We miss you too but don't forget we are right here" I said hoping he would hear us but no use..

Key just started patting his back as some pearly tears also escaped his shiny eyes.

Jonghyun led me to his bedroom only to see the sheets I saw last time. Some blood stains still here and there.

"No one has been wee since that night?" I looked at him for answer only for him to nod.

"Boys couldn't bring themselves to do so. They actually regretted-" he was caught off when Onew came in the room and looked at the bed with sad, broken eyes, he sighed and looked at the floor

"I sometimes regret hating her and not really appreciating her till the last minute. I admit, she was amazing person but I thought she was taking him away from us... but till the last minute I wasn't able to understand that she actually made him long for living even if it was for a second every day it was till much. She, she did way more than any of us ever did. Only if I was able to at least keep her by our side, only if -" he wasn't able to continue anymore as he also fell on his knees and sobbed loudly, taking everything out once again. 

"Hyung, I was the one who reacted slower and didn't make it in time," Taemin hugged him and silently let the tears flow down. 

"I miss them" Onew choked out, " it doesn't feel the same, it feels so empty," he whispered and clutched on the younger a clothes, hoping to calm down a little but he cried harder than before.

"You did well, Jonghyun" Onew whispered once he calmed down and looked blank, drained from emotions,"you did well, brother "

Jonghyun quietly back hugged me, hiding his face in the crook of my neck and silently crying.

Both of us in this moment regretted our life choices but it was done already. All we could do was to bust them every year on our death days and see how they are doing compared to last year.

Soon after Jjongs family came and they continued cleaning together.

As for me and him, we went to the studio and sat on the couch " I missed this room"

"I did too" he nodded and looked around, suddenly smiling widely "do you remember when I covered you in the yellow paint and it didn't come out properly for 3 days?"

"Ugh don't remind me that! It was horrible! Nothing helped either! Some of the YouTube advises made it worse!" I whined as he threw his head back and laughed loudly. "But wait! Do you remember that time you accidentally spilled the water and all of your work was soaking wet?"

"That was horrible! I still remember the pain" he shivered from the thought and moved to the kitchen. I saw some of the pictures we took of each other printed out and framed.

"When did this happen?" I mumbled and slowly grazed my fingers on them.

"Boys and my family found our phones and all the 'paparazzi pictures' of each other.  They thought leaving them printed out for us would be good idea." He smiled fondly as he looked at the pictures too.

The pictures I kept of him and us in my gallery were all my favorites, but one I loved the most was taken in the studio, when he was still working on one of the songs and looked as majestic as possible from the side. I couldn't stop myself from taking pictures of him. Another one of my favorite was when he slept soundly on th exact couch, mouth agape slightly and still looking divine.

"I love you, Jonghyun" I whispered and looked at him, only to see him already looking at me.

"I love you too, Mariam" He said and we touched our foreheads.

"You did well, Jjong" looking at each other's eyes and finding all the sparkles.

"You did well too Mar," he smiled and hugged me

"I actually don't actually regret dying because I can be here with you for eternity, and I'm here for that."

"Same mar, same "

"I love you"