Smol Women

Chapter Seven

"Raging penis and bouncing pussy got too happy," a voice sang at the early hour of 5:30am. It came from Tank's phone— it was his alarm, and it was him singing.

Tank slept soundlessly through it, which defeated the whole purpose of the alarm, but everyone else was woken up much unwantedly. Save for The Hoff, of course, who had not moved from his spot on the couch in the other room.

"Tank!" Selena screamed, throwing her pillow at his head.

Tank sat up with a start, "Sorry guys! I must've forgotten to turn it off."

Everyone groaned but got up regardless, they would never be able to fall back to sleep now.

"I'll make breakfast," Marianne volunteered, wanting to show her domestic abilities.

"You don't have to do that," Thomas told her. "That's really sexist."

"I'm sure that's not the word you meant," Marianne muttered, half to herself. "I don't mind doing it."

And so, using their food rations, Marianne cooked up eggs for everyone.

Over on the couch, The Hoff was stirred awake by the smell of the food. He was covered in sweat, and his face was pale.

"Oh, don't you look scrumptious," Tank said, smiling down from where he stood over the injured man. "Did you know I was voted Prom King in high school?"

"That's because they thought you were disabled," The Hoff croaked. "Fuck off. Get Selena."

Tank complied, sashaying over to his friend. "You're wanted."

Everyone turned their attention to The Hoff, where he was visibly not doing well.

Selena rushed over and crouched beside him, placing her hand on his forehead. "Max, can you get me a wet cloth?"

Maxy Max complied and scurried away to wet a cloth with cold water. Selena tentatively peeled the bandages off of The Hoff's shoulder.

She was greeted with a bright red wound, sticky with blood and pus. Heat emanated from it, and Selena could barely keep herself from throwing up.

Marianne walked over and whistled. "Wheeew, that's infected. Imagine how bad it would be if I hadn't treated it?"

Selena glared up at her, "It's like this because you treated it!"

Maxy Max returned with the cloth and Selena hurriedly placed it over The Hoff's forehead.

"How is he?" Tank asked, perched on the back of the couch like a gargoyle.

"Horrible." It was The Hoff who responded. "Is it infected?"

"Oh, definitely," Marianne smiled.

Before Selena could hurt her, Maxy Max led Marianne outside to explain why she was an idiot.

From the other side of the room, Thomas watched as Selena tended to The Hoff, unhappy with the way he was feeling. What emotion was it exactly? Well, it should be obvious based on prior plot points, so I'm not going to spell it out for you.

For the rest of the day, Selena played faithful nurse to The Hoff while Tank marked the land surrounding the base with his pee, as territory markers.

The other three struggled to busy themselves, since they weren't exactly sure what they were supposed to be doing.

It was that evening that they found out.

At the time that everyone was eating dinner, the phone rang. Thomas walked over and answered, turning it on speaker.