The Night We Met

Chapter 34

Riley's POV:

I don't know how but someway or another, I got so overwhelmed that I've managed to end up in a toilet cubicle again, crying and whimpering, trying to pull myself together. I don't know why it's so hard for me but I can't bare the trauma for much longer. I may have changed my looks but that's not changed how I feel on the inside. I shouldn't be here, studying this. I shouldn't be looking into mental and physical health if it's only going to make me feel like shit. But I can't go back to dance either. That dream died a long time ago.

I had tried calling James but he wasn't answering and it only made me feel more alone. He and Madelyn had probably started canoodling already. Maybe he's realised how unrealistic our relationship is. He can't love me. When I heard him say it, I was sure I'd misheard him. I'm unlovable. I'm just a burden to everyone. And I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, studying this, thinking so deeply about myself and everyone.

My phone starts ringing in my pocket at the same time as my breathing only seems to get worse. Multiple people had entered and exited the toilets and each time they did, I had to find a way to quieten myself down. To stop making noises like a whimpering puppy. I had to be okay. I had to at least act like I'm fine in order to feel like it.

Sliding the answer button on my phone, I'm met with James's flustered voice. I don't know why he sounds so overwhelmed himself but I could only guess.

"Hey," he says, his voice all happy and delightful. It only makes my heart ache more. "You okay?"

Instead of responding, my throat lets out a shaky breath and a cry. It only takes a moment or so for him to realise what was going on. "Babe, what's going on?" I don't respond again, just continue crying. "Riley, talk to me." There's some chatter in the background and the sound of footsteps. He was clearly walking away from wherever he was and once the muffled chatter diffuses into nothing but wind blowing by, I'm able to tell he was outside. "Riley, please. I'm here, okay. You're okay. Has Aiden said something to you?"

"No," I just about manage to mumble, my voice hoarse. "I just need you, James. I need to see you. Please . . . just . . . talk," I say. It goes silent and clearly, he didn't understand. "Just talk to me. I need to hear your voice, that's all."

"Okay," he says and I sigh, closing my eyes with my hands still shaking as I held my phone on speaker, listening to his every word. I don't know what he was talking about. I couldn't comprehend a word but it was a story about one of his family members driving along the road on a motor cycle. It was a story so bizarre I doubt it was true but either way, it distracts me from everything and slowly but surely the thoughts in my mind begin to settle a little, the buzzing I could hear in the back of my head coming to a halt. "Do you feel any better?" he asks after telling me his story and I sigh a little.

"Yeah . . . A bit."

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"It's just . . . flashbacks," I tell him, whispering. "I'm working on the presentation with Giselle, Jess and Oliver and I guess it all just got to me."

"Okay, you're okay, Ri," he tells me. "You're safe. I'll come and see you tonight then we can go back to my apartment for a bit. But if there's anything wrong just call me back, okay? I'll drop anything for you," he says, making me smile.

"Okay," I chuckle. "How are things with Madelyn?"

"They're alright. A little awkward but we're talking. Don't even worry about it," he says, making me roll my eyes, despite the fact he couldn't see. "I've gotta go, the band's calling me over to discuss the final costume designs," he says.

"Oh, okay."

"You're sure you're feeling okay now, though?"

"Yeah, I am. Thank you," I say to him through the phone. I couldn't see him but I didn't need to in order to know he was smiling right now.

"You're welcome, Riley" he says. "Now I really have to get going but I'll see you tonight, yeah?" he says and I hum in response before declining and ending the call.

Slowly gathering myself together, I wipe my eyes with the tips of my thumb and I suck in my cheeks slightly. after reapplying a small bit of gloss on my lips, I eventually open the cubicle door to find Michelle stood before the sinks, pacing up and down worriedly. As soon as I step foot out of the cubicle, she pauses, looks up at me and then quickly rushes over.

"Oh, Ri," she sighs, hugging me tight, only making me hug her tighter. "You're okay, honey. Trust me, I've got you," she says and I close my eyes. 

James may be going in only a week's time but I'll be fine. I have Michelle to look after me and James will always be only a phone call away. There's nothing for me to worry about.

But if so then why do I still feel so nervous?