Ode to the old us - Tsukkishima x fem reader

11. A heart like yours

Song: addicted to love by Florence + the machine

[keis POV]

I rested against the back of the park bench, my breath creating a puff in the nights icy air.
I'd just finished explaining to tadashi everything that's happened in the last week. And damnit... it's been a long week

Only silence followed my recap, unfortunately for me, I knew exactly why that was.
Tadashi was mentally preparing to scold me.
Until high school, tadashi never would have dreamed of yelling at me. Though as time went on he got more confident, and in turn, much better at confrontation.
Now, he'd happily yell at me any time I did something idiotic

Tadashi and I had been friends for so long that we were practically brothers, and I know fully well that he'd stay by my side no matter what. But that didn't change the fact that he adores y/n, and won't hesitate to kill me if I hurt her.

"Kei be honest with me..." his voice was calm, why is that so much more terrifying than yelling??

"Okay?"

"Are you a complete fucking moron? Like world record breaking stupidity?!"

Yep... saw that coming.
I let out a deep sigh, everything felt so... heavy, today. I'm just so tired, I regret everything I've done that led to losing y/n.

"Why the hell would you leave like that?! You know everything she's been through! And why would you not talk to her about the guy?! You don't know that they're dating!"

"They kissed, am I supposed to assume they aren't dating?" My argument was only met with a slap to the back of my head.
"Ouch..."
"Oh don't 'ouch' me, we both know you deserved that. You aren't supposed to assume anything moron! You're supposed to communicate like a rational fucking person!"

Harsh... but true
"I'm gonna have to agree with tadashi..." a voice called from behind the two of us, one that was easily recognizable as Nishinoya Yuu.
I turned, but found it difficult to speak... he must hate me for what I did, he's more protective of y/n than anyone.
"Thank you! Now, It's late and I have to go study, finals are coming up soon. Yuu, do you think you can take over scolding him?"
"Happily." Yuu replied, sitting next to me as Tadashi walked off

Tadashi scolding me isn't great, but yuu scolding me... I'm fucked aren't I?
To my surprise, yuu didn't yell. He took a deep breath and spoke. "Listen, I'm not gonna scold you because I'm sure you already realize how stupid you've been. But you need to work your shit out, the both of you. Y/n lives down the street, if you'd like I can text her to meet me here and the two of you can talk."
"You'd really do that?"
"You guys might be idiots, but you're also my friends. And you make each other happy, but that can't last unless you communicate. Relationships are wonderful things but they can't be taken for granted. They need to be protected and nurtured or they'll wither away. You've got a second chance, don't let it go this time."

"You've grown a lot since high school you know... well, excluding your height."
"Are you really gonna make a short joke about the guy who's trying to save your relationship?"
"Nope" I chuckled, feeling a bit lighter than I had before.
A short silence followed, but yuu was always good at breaking silences.
"Alright I need to go meet my boyfriend but I'll call y/n and have her meet you here. It won't take long for her to get here so figure out what you want to say." Yuu clicked send on what I assumed was a text to y/n, then stood up. "Good luck kei, don't fuck up this time."
"I'll try my best..."

What exactly do I want to say? What is someone supposed to say in this situation?! I just friend zoned my ex fiancé and high school sweetheart after getting drunk and hooking up with her... that deserves more than a fucking apology!
As horrible as it sounds... part of me wants to run away, leave this part of my life behind and never think about the stupid things I've done. But isn't that what I tried to do? What I've spent the last five years doing? I'll I've done is tried convincing myself that letting go was the right thing to do, that giving up was the right thing to do.
But I don't want to give up on her...

"Kei?"
Shit... I spent all my time overthinking instead of just deciding what to say to her.
She looks confused, rightfully so.
"Y/n... can we talk?"
"Sure..." she took a seat next to me, and for a few minutes neither of us spoke.

[readers POV]

The silence is driving me mad, maybe I need to start things off?
"Where did we go wrong?"
Keis expression changed ever so slightly, his head angled down and a dull smile crossed his lips.
Part of me expected the same response as before
Things happen, people change.
But no, this was new...
"I think we went wrong the moment we stopped actually communicating. We took what was given for granted and let it slip through our fingertips."

Only another silence followed, it felt like an eternity... I've always hated loud noises but complete silence may very well be the thing I hate most in this world. Silence is the absence of sound, it's what you hear when someone leaves you. I can't stand the sound of silence... not one bit.

"We can't be friends... can we, kei?" I tried to stop my voice from breaking, but it was no use.
"Seems like that's the case" he sighed.
I took a moment to think, and stood up from the bench, gathering my courage to walk away from the man. But a cold hand on my wrist stopped me.
"Wait." He muttered, so I did. I turned to look at him.
I could tell what he was thinking, just from that look in his eye.
"Please don't propose that we try again kei..." I let out a tired chuckle... it's far too late for all of this.

"Can't we?" His golden eyes were muted by tears. "I mean, think about it... we were perfect together up until the end. Five years have passed and neither of us have been able to date anyone else. Five years have passed and not a day has gone by where I didn't think about you... and correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like you're in the same position. So why don't we try again?"

I'll admit it, his arguments haven't gotten any less convincing over the years...
"And what if it doesn't work out again? I mean can you promise me that we won't just fall apart like last time? That this won't be a complete waste of time?"
I asked, trying to stop myself from crying... I've gotten better at that haven't I?

"I can't promise you that... but what I can promise, what I am promising, is that I love you. You and I met nine years ago and I haven't stopped loving you since. No matter how hard I try to distract myself, no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I'm over you, I still cling to anything I have left of us. Do you love me too?"

"I do..." my voice came out softer than intended...
Kei gave me a gentle, affectionate smile. "Then Y/n L/n, will you be my girlfriend, again?"
"I will... again." I gave a teary eyed grin.
Kei stood, one hand wrapping around my waist. The other cupping my cheek. "Can I.." he trailed off, eyes moving to my lips.
"Mhm" I hummed.
If that speech wasn't enough to show that he missed me, his kiss certainly did.

He pulled me closer so I'd press against him. We still had the same  chemistry from when we were just teenagers. This kiss was a dance, perfectly choreographed and not a step missed.
We pulled away, slightly breathless. Kei peppered light kisses across my cheeks and nose, then leaned his forehead against mine. "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that."
I gave a soft chuckle. "I think I've got some idea"
_____________

There's this quote I remember reading.

"In all the world there is no heart for me like yours
In all the world there is no love for you like mine." ~maya angelou

Beautiful, isn't it... I believe, down to my very core, that I could never love another the same way I love kei.
So please... let this last?

[to be continued]