✗ | 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐇 ☁︎ 𝑨𝒍𝒆𝒙 𝑨𝒍𝒗𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒛

pt. dos

Episode: To Zir, With Love

! ¡ ! ¡ ! ¡ !

Back at Penelope's work, Max greets the woman, "Hey, there. Did you get through your second day okay?"

"Yep," She answers.

"How did all of that butt stuff go?"

"You mean, was I successful in satisfying the requirements for my clinical studies? I was."

Noticing her changed nature, he still wanted to make conversation. "Okay. You, huh, heading home?"

"No, I'm going to the club," She replies, sarcastically.

"Why are you being mean?"
"... I don't know"

Not even an hour later, after her work, Penelope storms into Schneider's apartment, cursing right herself relentlessly.

"I did a bad thing," She tells her friend, "I mean, it was a good thing. It was a real good thing. But bad, bad. It was such a huge mistake!"

"Oh, I've seen this before." Schneider braced himself. "Sex, drugs, or Cheesecake Factory?"

"I met a guy at work, and I slept with him."

"What is that, like a Make-A-Wish thing?"

"No!" She shouts, "It was wrong! And I'm freaking out!

He tries to calm her down, sitting her down on his couch. "Just walk me through what happened."

"Paramedic I knew way back when. I mean, he's... He's a really good guy. But I don't know him well enough——"

"Yeah. I'm not interested in the boring history of your friendship. I was thinking more, 'We met in the ER. He gave me ten ccs of hot——"

"No, I'm serious, Schneider! I have never... I've never done anything like this before. I have a strict seven-date policy."

"Well, this is the second guy you've hooked up within 20 years. Maybe it's time to update that policy. Dating has changed since the 1800s. Guilt, shame, and regret are things of the past. Be sex-positive, girl."

"I'm a mother. I'm sex-negative."

He sighs, "I'm dating a mother. You know her. Nikki."

"Finn's mom?"
"Yeah!"
"Ugh."

"Hello, Penelope."

The nurse turns around to see Nikki, in Schneider's navy pajama top. "Hey, hi. Oh, my god. I didn't mean anything."

"Oh, please. My self-esteem is bulletproof. Obviously."

Schneider tells her, "I was just telling Pene about our sitch."

"Oh, yeah, it's great. I come over, tell him to do stuff to me, he does it, I go home. You should get one."

"Oh, no, no, no, no. That's okay." Penelope grabs her purse to leave.

"I think what Nikki was kinda dancing around is that you don't always have to have a relationship with a capital 'R'," The landlord explains, "Sometimes all you need is what the great poets of the Renaissance called a junk buddy."