I Never Loved You - Johannie Story

Chapter 8 - The Truth About Me

The Truth About Me

~ Johnnys Perspective ~

Annie and I were still in Carson and Lauren's dorm. Lauren couldn't even look at me and neither could Carson. Annie, on the other hand, couldn't stop staring at me with watery eyes, making me feel even more guilty.

"I don't understand, you've been so nice to me" Annie blurted out, breaking the silence. I sighed, but before I could say anything Lauren interrupted me. "Yeah that's what he does, act nice and then you find out he raped you, not only once but TWICE" she shouted

"Twice?- oh yeah...the drinking thing..." I mumbled to myself looking down again. Carson had walked out of the room and by now so has Annie. "I hope your happy" Lauren muttered as she sat across me. I rolled my eyes at her as I threw my phone across the room. I watched as it made contact with the walls and cracked into a million pieces.

Lauren chuckled while looking away "still have those anger issues don't you"

I didn't get a chance to response considering that when I opened my mouth to talk, Lauren got a call. She gave me a smirk while picking up the call "hello?" She asked not recognizing the number "umm yeah?" She responded confused. "What?! There's no way!" She said giving me a look.

"Um yeah I'll talk to him about it" Lauren responded still giving me a look. Once Lauren hung up she looked back up at me "when were you going to tell me you have schizophrenia?!"

I sighed as I looked away from her "never" I muttered under my breath. My plan was to let no one find out about this illness and the one person I was really trying to hide it from found out!

"What? So you were just going to hide this the whole time?" She questioned giving me a glare. "Yeah" I responded without an explanation.

"I know you don't care about anyone but the least you could do is tell us you have an illness that you're clearly suffering from" Lauren blurted out. People really think I don't care about anyone and honestly even I started to believe it.

"Whatever...I'm going back to my dorm" I muttered as I got up and left the room. On my way to leaving Lauren and Carson's dorm, a random guy barges into the dorm. He had a bunch of chains around his neck with a black leather jacket and black leather pants which were half way down his legs. Annie got scared so she hid behind Carson, and when Lauren walked into the area she did the same thing.

The guy had about ten tattoos on his face and a bunch more going down his neck. "Where's my money" the guy shouted looking at Carson. My attention drifts from him to Carson, who seemed like he was strong and brave but I could tell he was scared out of his mind "I-I told you! Lauren didn't steal your fucking money!" Carson shouted, trying to be brave.

The guy, however, starts laughing "fine then, if you don't have your money, I guess I'll just take your girl" he blurted out as he grabbed Lauren's arms "No!! Carson!!!" Lauren shouted as Carson tried to punch the guy but instead got a kick to the guts.

"Damn that ass looks better than the one you had last time" he said as he was about to touch it, but clearly forgot about me. Before he could even touch Lauren anywhere else I grabbed his arm "don't touch her" I muttered.

The guy gave me a smirk as he tried to land a kick on me like he did to Carson, but unlike him, I knew how to fight better. I grabbed his leg, breaking it "that's for talking about my sisters ass" I muttered and then he tried to punch me but I grabbed his fist and twisted his wrist "That's for kicking my friend" I said as he screamed in pain and it was like music to my ears. I loved hearing people in pain as I tortured them. "And this..." I say as I grab his arm and break it "is so you never touch them again" I added before getting up

I looked down and smirked at him in pain "are we clear" I muttered. At first I didn't get a response, he was too busy cussing out his pain so I was about to cause more until Annie stopped me "okay stop!!! I think he gets it"

I sighed as I glanced at her and then picked up his body. I threw him out of the dorm and went back into Lauren and Carson's. "Who the fuck was that" I muttered as I glared at Lauren. She stayed silent, like she was in shock at what I just did. "What? I thought you knew I kill people?" I questioned. Annies mouth dropped as her shocked face got stronger "you kill people!!!!" She yelled. I sighed mentally slapping myself in the head.

I could see Annie start to get a little dizzy "Annie—

I say trying to get her but she backs away from me "no! Don't touch me!" She says trying to sound like she was fine. "Carson get her onto the bed" I demanded. For once, he actually listened without asking a question. I looked over at Lauren who was still seemed like she was a little shocked "what? Why are you looking at me like that" I muttered confused.

"I just didn't expect you to...I don't know defend me and Carson..." she mumbled. I could tell she thinks I have an alternative motive for hurting him but I really didn't. I wasn't going to let that asshole lay his hands on my sister. "...and you called me your sister..." she says in a low tone.

"Well yeah because you are?" I respond, still confused at why she was so shocked about it "you never call me your sister" she stated as I stayed silent, realizing that she wasn't wrong. But the only reason why I've never called any of my sisters, my sisters, because I thought they were always embarrassed to have me as there brother...so I acted like we were never related unless someone asked.

"Why did you defend me...you said it yourself, you didn't care about me or whatever happened to me" she blurted out while crossing her arms, waiting for me to respond. I stayed silent for a few minutes because I didn't want to talk about it, I wasn't good with talking about my feeling and having Schizophrenia illness just makes it harder.

"If you think I don't care about you or Madison, or Darian then you don't know me as well as you thought" I responded as I gave her one last glance before grabbing a beer bottle from the fridge, leaving her speechless.

"Don't give me that bullshit, you don't care about anyone. When mom and dad died you had a fucking party at the funeral, and when Maddison almost attempted suicide you told her she was stupid to not have killed herself earlier, and when I literally had no one YOU laughed in my face and left me" Lauren yelled, as her eyes got watery.

I didn't need her to remind me of all the mistakes I've made in life. I already felt guilty and this was making it worst. "For god sake Johnny! You were happy mom and dad died in that hospital—."

Before Lauren could finish her yelling I threw the beer bottle across the room "DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT" I yelled back in anger, completely forgetting about Annie and Carson being in the other room "You think I wanted them to fucking die?!!! I was a fucking ignorant, selfish, spoiled little brat to mom and dad! All I fucking did was whine all day. THAT's why they died! Because they couldn't put up with me anymore! I fucking killed them! And the worst part is they died thinking that I hated them! That I wanted them dead!" I shouted in rage as Lauren backed away.

"I had two option...let my feelings in and blame myself and be miserable loser all my life or suck it up and act like I was fine. Like the guilt wasn't slowly killing me inside." Before starting again and took a small pause and breathed. "And I took out all that pain on you and Maddison and Darian. I didn't mean to tell her to kill herself, I was just mad at myself for not doing it before they had died...and I left you because I knew Maddison and Darian would have provided you better help than I could have..."

With that the whole room went silent for a few moments. When I mean a few moments I mean a second later I heard a glass drop. I look over to where the sound came from and saw Annie just staring at us.

I sighed, giving Lauren one last glance before I left the dorm.