I Never Loved You - Johannie Story

Chapter 19 - Can't Imagine Living Without You

Can't Imagine Living Without You 

~ Johnnys Perspective ~

"What the fucks going on!!"

The cop writing in his note pad looked up at me "are you Ms LeBlanc's husband?" He questioned like he was surprised. "accidenti, pensavo che suo marito sarebbe stato bello come lei" he said to the other cop.

Translation: damn i thought she would have a husband as hot as her

This dipshits didn't know I could speak Italian so they mumbled about Annie to each other, completely ignoring the fact that I was standing in front of them "just tell me what the fuck is happening!" I yelled raising my tone even more.

The cop handed me a note before padding my back "I'm sorry for your lost" he mumbled as he walked past me. At that moment it felt like my life was over. It's like my heart stopped beating and my body shut down. I felt my legs feel weak as I fell on the chair that was out on the porch of the house.

There's not way she would kill herself. She has a fucking son— shit! Josh!

I quickly ran to the car which was parked on the street. Josh was still sitting in his seat looking around. For the first time in ten years I felt a tear drop. I didn't want to look at the note, i knew it was a suicide one.

After I checked how Josh was doing, I went to talk to the ambulance guy, which didn't seem to be going well. "She can't be fucking dead!" I shouted at the guy as I pushed past him and went to see Annies body. I froze, just staring at her brought so many feelings I hadn't felt since the day my parents had died.

I'm so fucking stupid!!!! I let it happen again! I let the one person in this fucking world that I loved slip away! "God damn! How could you be so selfish" I shouted in tears as I got closer to her. I held her hand into mine. I wasn't going to believe she was dead, I wasn't going to let her die. "Bring her to this address" I said giving them a piece of paper. I could tell they felt sorry for me so they did as they were told.

I took a deep breath as I got back into my car with Josh still at the back. I looked at the seat beside me. Annie was suppose to sit here, she's suppose to be with me right now, not in the fucking ambulance car dying!

"Where mommy" Josh asked. Fuck, I forgot about him again. I can't imagine what he is going to turn into. He can't be like me, he's suppose to be better, he's suppose to have a better life than me. "Don't worry buddy..." I mumbled looking down at the note

I took a deep breath before I started to read it

If you're reading this...I'm sorry...I never wanted this to happen. I know I'm being selfish right now but I can't handle this pain anymore. Once Josh called you his dad I figured he would live a better childhood with you and whatever girl you choose to be your wife than he would with me...I know you deeply care about him so please- please take care of him

I looked up trying to control my tears. Josh didn't know what was happening and I didn't want to be the one telling him. After a few second I continued to read

And I never meant to hurt you. I know you wanted a chance at our relationship and I really wanted to give you one...but I couldn't risk my feelings getting any stronger for you. I'm still and have been in love with you and I hate myself for it, I hate seeing pretty girls obsessed over you, especially when I have to deal with looking in the mirror and feelings disgusted of what I look like. I don't understand what you see or saw in me

"Dadddyyyy im bored" Josh whined

I ignored him and was about to keep reading until I saw what it said at the end

Please don't listen to your voice messages, they'll only make you feel worst and none of this was your fault.

Knowing me, I did the opposite. I put ear buds in so Josh wouldn't hear, and played the voice message "Johnny...I know your out with Josh but can you please come home....I-I need your help" she said over the phone as she sobbed.

I felt a year drop roll again as I played the next one. This time you could really hear the pain in her voice, and she was crying even harder "Please come back, I can't handle this anymore...I can't be alone"

More and more tears came down as I thought about what Annie was going through while I was having my fun with Emily. Fuck!!!! I'm so fucking dumb for not answering those calls!!! She would of still fucking been alive.

"Daddy the cars moving!!" Josh shouted interrupting my thoughts. I looked up and saw the cop and ambulance cars start to move. I followed in back as they reached the address "stay here" I tell Josh while getting out the car. They take Annies body out and bring it to the abandon warehouse. I invited a friend to help as the ambulances left. However the cops stayed

"This is illegal—

I grabbed a gun from under the table and shot both the cops. I was angry at them for talking about how hot annie was when she was fucking dying! "Assholes" I muttered as I looked up at Case. Case was a friend of mine who surprisingly had the potential to cure cancer. He was very smart and I knew if anyone could bring annie back to life, it would be him.

"Johnny....I think you should accept the fact that she's dead..." Case said but I wasn't going to let that be an option "I know we're friends but if she dies I will fucking murder you and your family" I muttered. With that, case got to work. I grabbed the cops bodies and dumbed them into an ocean.

Then I called Lauren and Carson to pick up Josh and take care of him for a few weeks. I hadn't told them about Annie yet...I wasn't even ready to accept the fact that she has a very high chance of dying. It didn't feel real...I never imagined my life without her.

"Damn it!!" Case shouted as he looked at her body as if he was trying to figure out how to keep her alive. "She cut her main vain...I'm sorry but I think she's dead...."

I grabbed my gun and pointed it at Case "woah!!! Dude"

I wasn't playing with him though. If annie really is dead I know my life's going to be over so at this point I didn't care about who I killed "save her or you die. Simple as that" I muttered as I attempted to shoot him and missed on purpose "next one goes in your head"

Case immediately got back to work as I watched him. I wanted to see exactly what he was doing to her and making sure he wouldn't run off.