I Never Loved You - Johannie Story

Chapter 20 - My Life Without You

My Life Without You

~ Johnnys Perspective ~

I was back home with Josh, and I have been for a few days now. Annie still hasn't woken up. Although many nurses told me that she's going to dying, but I refused to believe that. Case is still working on Annie and I'm not going to give up on her.

But it's been hard trying to take care of Josh while dealing with the pain of life without Annie.

"Daddy why mommy not here" Josh asked as he climbed onto his chair. He attempted to get up multiple times and fell, so I helped him up. Although it was funny to see him climb up on the chair and falling, I wasn't in the mood to laugh.

"She's...at the hospital..."

Josh's head quickly snapped at me as he looked over at me with sad eyes. I could see the pain in his eyes and I could feel it. I didn't want him to go through what I went through and I definitely didn't want to live without Annie in our lives.

Gosh, how could I be so fucking stupid to not pick up her calls.

"What happened" Josh asked interrupting my thoughts. "Don't worry...I will do everything I can do help her..." I responded while giving Josh his breakfast.

It wasn't long before he finished eating. I wasn't in the right mental state to take care of Josh so I dropped him off at Maddison's...my older sister. We both settled everything so these past few days she's been there for me. She's also the only sister that knows what's happening with Annie. I'm scared to tell Lauren because I know they're best friends.

When I got home I grabbed three beer bottles and started to drink. I knew it was wrong considering that I now had a kid I had to take care of, but I couldn't deal with the pain.

By now I thought I could easily move on from Annie, but this proves I can't spend a second without her. Before I knew it there were seven beer bottles on the floor and I was now smoking my cigarettes while laying on the couch.

"J-J-J-J-Johnny?"

I head instantly snapped at the place the voice came from. I immediately recognized it was Annie's, but what I couldn't believe was that she was standing, right in front of me.

"Annie!" I shouted surprised, as she fell to the floor. Case quickly ran in as we both helped her to the couch.

"She is very weak and could die right now if you don't bring her to the hospital" Case explained while grabbing the phone and dialling 911. "Why the fuck won't you bring her there then" I shouted at him, I was still frustrated that there was a chance of her dying, and I took it out on him.

"She came here! She wanted to see how her son was doing" he responded.

Within a few minutes the ambulance was here and Annie was carried to the hospital. I'm pretty sure I got several tickets for speeding but at this point I didn't care. The only thing on my mind was Annie.

When I got to the hospital I instantly ran to Annie's room. Thankfully she was still awake "Annie...." I whispered as I kissed her forehead "W-W-W-W-Where—

I cut Annie off "Josh is at my older sisters house...he's fine..." I responded knowing what she was about to say. I didn't want her to talk, she could barley manage to say a word.

I felt a tear slip as I stared at her in her hospital bed. I've remembered this same thing happening a few years ago. When we were in Harvard and she went into shock. I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen again and here we are, at the same place...

"I'm sorry...I should of stayed home with you..." I mumbled, but Annie's attention was slowly drifting off as her eyes started to shut. "She's on sleeping pills, we have to do a lot of painful surgeries" The doctors responded to my confused look.

I sighed before kissing her one more time. "I-I love y-you" I murmured. I found my way out the room but my eyes didn't leave Annie. I constantly watched her for hours...just standing behind the glass mirror.

"You should go home, she will not be waking up until tomorrow" The nurse said as she walked out the room making eye contact with me. "No. I'm staying here" I responded finding my way onto a chair.

"Well then, tonight's going to be a long night for you"

With that the hospital slowly began to empty. I watched new nurses come in and old nurses leave, but most of my attention was on Annie. I never got bored staring at her.

The Next Day

It was eight in the morning, and the only thing I've done for the past twenty four hours was stare at Annie and call Josh. Although I've thought about several different ways this could end with Annie passing away, I wasn't prepared for that.

"J-J-J-Johnny"

I immediately got up and ran to her once I realized she was awake. "Annie! How are you feeling" I asked as I held her hand. She looked so pale but so beautiful. "I-I c-could be better" she mumbled with her weak smile.

"She's ready to go" The doctor interrupted. She still didn't seem like she was well but the doctor said she just needed some rest. I may be dumb but I knew that patients stay at the hospital for at least more than one day. But the doctor disagreed.

Within a few hours Annie was laying on her bed and Josh came back home. "How are you feeling" I asked Annie as I walked into the room. Her head snapped away from Josh and at me "Getting better"

I could tell she was getting better, the sound of her voice was starting to sound stronger and with the amount of rest and water she has gotten, her face was starting to look less pale.

A smile appeared on my face as I watched her "woah is Johnny Orlando smiling" she stated in her sarcastic tone. I shot a glare at her while getting onto her bed. "What do you think your doing" she asked pulling away, creating more space between us.

"I am not leaving you alone, and I haven't slept for twenty seven hours" I responded pulling the blanket over me, laying down.

"Aren't you a mafia, don't you— not sleep"

I shut my eyes while pulling annie into my arms "I haven't gotten proper sleep every since you tried to kill yourself" I mumbled, loud enough for annie to hear but low enough for Josh.

Annie attempted to get out of my arms but failed several times. Eventually she gave up when Josh entered the bed with us. I loved this feeling, even if it was temporary. "Can you not" Annie muttered at me once I Kissed her neck. "I know you were making out with another girl when I was trying to call you—

I interrupted Annie before she could say more "what? How did you find out" I muttered immediately. "Emily told me" she responded rolling her eyes, pushing me away from her.

"Annie I'm sor—

This time Annie interrupted me "Don't be. You moved on...so stop trying to cuddle or whatever with me"