HOW TO LIVE AGAIN (girlxgirlxgirl)

Four; Blurred lines

"The line between the past and the present is blurred for me"
30

🦚

⚠️ mentions of death ⚠️

"Sit down, I have something to say"

It's a beautiful day. A few white clouds are gliding across the blue sky, and the summer sun is shining pleasantly down on the wet ground. It's morning, early morning, and Fei has just awoken from a peaceful slumber in her own chamber. She is dressed in her slightly oversized pink gown, a gift from her mother on her birthday last week. And she ran in a hurry, because on the other side of the pavilion she could see her sister drinking tea.

Now, said sister wants her to join.

Happily, Fei sits down on the floor next to her sister. She smiles, because the girl in front of her is her favorite in the world. She is the only sister still here, the only girl except for her mother that still lives in their ancestral home. All her other sisters have gotten married, Maia just last year. She gently takes the cup of tea in her hands and takes a sip. It's too hot, and she doesn't feel like drinking tea right now either.

"I'm getting married"

Fei wakes up with a gasp, feeling both cold and sweaty at the same time.

She sits up, still panting heavily, and looking around for any trace of her sister. And then it hits her, all at once. Her sister is dead, it's been three hundred years, and she is now sleeping in the cold ruins of her old ancestral home. A ghost of what the house used to be. The room around her is empty, wooden walls and wooden floors, no furniture. It's her old room.

In the corner, she used to sleep, and there on the other side, she had a beautiful low wooden desk where she practiced her writing and reading. A candle always stood against the wall where her only window is, to create the illusion of daytime even when the sun had set. Fei always hated the darkness. But now everything is gone. Nobody has lived here in dozens of years, and the walls and floors are nothing but a glaring memory of what they were before.

Fei has no idea what she was planning to do here, three hundred years too late. But she has now relived her death and her life many times over, both during the night and during the day. The way her fiancé pierced her throat with his sword, the way her sister said goodbye when she was leaving with her new husband. Everything has fallen into place, and she has somewhat settled in her memories. More recently, she has received them all alone, ever since Belvedere and Yugo left two weeks ago.

Two weeks of having the house all to herself, and two weeks of fixing up the gardens and pulling out some old furniture into the house. Sometimes Fei wonders what she is doing. Should she kill herself now, and become a goddess, or continue living the life that she never had? If she decides to keep living, what is there to live for? She looks around her empty room, and feels a cold shiver. If she wants to keep living here, she's going to have to be serious about remodeling and fixing it. Right now she's only doing small things. Do her actions mean something? Is she not meant to stay here after all?

Fei stands up and slowly heads to the pile of clothes she has laid over the floor. Blue and pink dresses, most of them are in those two colors. But she also has red ones, green ones and yellow ones. Without thinking about it, Fei picks a pink one. The same pink one that she wore in her dream, or more accurately, in her past. The pink one her mother gifted her. Fei takes time, slowly putting it on, carefully tying all the ropes and strings and belts together. She looks into a broken mirror, and sees herself. It feels weird. She feels like a ghost, stuck in two words. Both in the present and in the past, but still she feels more alive than she has in three hundred years.