HOW TO LIVE AGAIN (girlxgirlxgirl)

Twentyfour; Hit to the head

"All those things you said, would you still have said them if you knew the whole story?"
50

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⚠️ censored swearing, arguments, mentions of death ⚠️

Fei rides through the dark of the night.

It's been so f*cking warm today.

The hooves of her horse sound loudly against the gravel below. She rides past the different houses and around corners of buildings, not bothering to slow down. It's night, nobody is allowed outside their residence. Only her. Only she is allowed, because she's a f*cking goddess and she'll do whatever she wants.

The gates of the city are closed. There is a long and wide road that leads to the gates, where guards can see you coming from a mile away. It's bad for criminals, that's the whole point. But it's also good for her, because when the guards see her coming with her horse dressed in an imperial uniform, they open the gates before she has gotten anywhere close to it. Fei passes by the guards without giving them a second thought, but she can sense their hesitant looks on her back, until the gates are closed again. She continues down the road leading away from the capital, leaving behind both the imperial palace and everyone inside of it.

It's been so warm all day. The sun is uncomfortably hot. But now, as the moon has taken the sun's spot on the sky, it's suddenly colder. Fei feels the strong wind hit her cheek as she continues to ride at a dangerous speed. Her mind feels numb. She keeps going without a second thought, horse huffing and puffing in front of her. The road is dark and hard to see, this is why it's useless to go out at night. All she can see is the moon, and the long and dark shadows that are casted by the tropical trees to her left and right. But the sounds of the forest don't scare her, the potential dangers of riding at night don't scare her, and the lack of any light doesn't make her feel uncertain. She wants to do this, of course she does.

Who cares about friends anyways. Who cares about love. She fooled herself, thinking that she could live her life again. fooled herself by thinking it would be possible to die and be reborn like it's normal. Nobody will ever find her normal, nobody will ever truly love her. She learned that a long time ago, that night at her ancestral home. She learned that the day she died and will never need to learn it again. She is a fool for trying to forget, her mission was never to stay here and pretend to be human. Humans are evil, humans turn their backs. Minerva stopped being a human a long time ago and she won't go back. Not anymore.

Riding along the dark road, already so far away from the palace. It's been so f*cking warm today. Fei feels something on her cheek. Her hand automatically rises up to touch whatever it is. A single tear is attached to her index finger, and Fei understands that she is crying. These human emotions that she previously faked for manipulation. Faked her tears to make Andra and Thyra pity her, protect her and do what she wants. And now they are real tears, not for them but because of them. Fei feels a sense of hatred grow in her chest. But it quickly lets go, and suddenly there is nothing but sadness. Sadness over her tears and everything that it means. She begins to cry.

Tears roll down her cheeks as she cries. Riding through the night, faster and faster, the wind drowns out her sobs and dries the tears from her face. Fei places a hand over her mouth in an attempt to quiet down. She doesn't want to hear herself. She doesn't want to hear anything at all. All these tears are fake. They have to be. She's probably just manipulating herself. That's what she's good at, after all. This whole mission has been nothing but a manipulative tactic.