HOW TO LIVE AGAIN (girlxgirlxgirl)

Twentytwo; Trail of lies

"Our love is like a flower, a pretty dandelion"
48

🦚

⚠️ censored swearing, mentions of death ⚠️

"I don't want to forget"

"What?"

"Nothing, let's sleep"

"..."

"..."

"Good night"

Our love, like a dandelion. Will it wither away?

"Are you angry?"

Fei stays by the door, quiet for a moment. Her hand is resting against the doorframe, the stone material smooth against her palm. She tightens her grip around it, tries to ground herself. Softly the goddess breathes, in and out. She stands there for a few moments, letting herself soak in her emotions, thoughts and ideas. Letting the two people above her, Andra and Thyra, stand worriedly outside her bedroom.

She should show respect. The empress of this huge empire is standing right in front of her. Fei stays quiet. She feels a little ridiculous about it now. Her emotions are ridiculous. Built up stress, built up anger and sadness. Where did it all start? When Thyra came back from her mission, that fateful day? With her body bruised up and mind barely intact. She stressed about it so much back then. And things have only gotten worse since that day. But that's not when it started, it started when the war ended, didn't it? It all started so long ago, Fei has almost forgotten.

Forgotten how she felt when leaving Thyra and Andra behind to search for her old prison, her old ancestral home. How she felt seeing her home, torn down and left to wither away, with everyone in her past life long dead and sleeping. And then, those nightmares that became more and more prominent. The constant memories from her past, blending in with her future. Nightmares that haven't stopped yet, they are still there. Just more subtle, more forgettable and carefully blended with her current memories. And then, Thyra finding her and bringing her here. It's not Thyra that made her upset that time, it's the prison like place that this palace has become.

And then staying here, suffering every day because of mean, greedy and disgusting people. Nobody here is worth even the sigh of a goddess. Still she stays, for them. Sits in her room every single day, for them. Stares out at the big wall keeping her from her freedom, for them. And then Thyra disappeared and came back, making her all worried and fidgety. So when Andra decided to head out on a trip, Fei was too worried to not leave too. She had to protect them, of course she had to. What would she do with herself if they died out there? The goddess couldn't even have imagined that she would be the one who would need to be saved, that she could end up weak.

And now she's back, back in this miserable place with conflicted emotions, lots of work and a caged-in feeling heavily resting on her heart. That's what makes her upset, that's what she is angry about. But it's too much, too embarrassing to say now. So she stays quiet.

"Fei?"

"Angry? I'm not"

She turns around and walks towards her own terrace, letting them inside. She can sense the two hesitantly step inside her room, almost as if it's a sacred chamber of sorts, forbidden to the likes of them. Fei wants to laugh. She can't even make her lips twitch, though. She can't muster a smile. So she doesn't laugh.