HOW TO LIVE AGAIN (girlxgirlxgirl)

Twentythree; Love for all things human

"Because that day Andra fell for her humanity, only to have it broken in two just half a year later"
49

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⚠️ mentions of death/murder ⚠️

"I won't die a prisoner for a second time!"

Andra has always felt a bit different from other people.

It's a given, considering her status, family and money. Some people think of her and her family as the closest thing to Gods this earth has to offer. Although worship of living humans is forbidden, some still worship the empress or emperor of their empire. Being born as a princess, with a mother who is seen as mighty as a goddess and a brother who would soon rise up to be the same, Andra never had an opportunity to feel normal. Ever.

It never took too much time for her to accept that either. It's not that big of a deal. Some people are better off than others, the citizens of their kingdom live vastly different lives. And with prosperity running through the clan's all four corners, there was no need to feel ashamed over her privilege too much. Other people had it good too, they just didn't have it as extraordinarily good like she did. Still, to keep her humble, her mother raised her mostly outside palace walls.

That's something not many people remember. Aryan was raised inside palace walls because he didn't have a choice. It raised him to be a greedy mean person like the rest of the nobles are. Andra was given a different childhood, still with prosperity but not as much worshipping and riches. Instead she lived among normal people, often non nobles that enjoyed things like festivals, nature and simple literature. But even then she never felt truly normal. At a young age Andra had to start returning to the palace more often for training, and since then her life had been nothing but an endless road of preparation for the throne. Even if she wasn't the heir.

So the fact that she sometimes feels like an outsider is not shocking. How could a princess, later empress, ever feel the same as a noble or commoner? How could someone who is seen as a near god be at the same level as a human? Andra was lost in that question for many years, after finally maturing and realizing how terrible the world actually is.

Just as she was about to give up on living normally and just engulf herself in the idea of being like a god, she met Fei. A poor, unknown noble girl who seemed as much human as one can get. Andra has never met someone so down to earth before, so vulnerable and familiar to the people she spent her early childhood with. Protecting Fei gave her a sense of humanity, and interacting with her made her realize how normal she could actually get. Loving her made her feel like a person again, instead of some god. Because she's not a god, is she? She's a human who's been given a higher title than everyone else, that's all.

Thyra came into the picture a few days later. Seeing her felt different from seeing Fei. Thyra wasn't like Fei, she wasn't as human as Fei seemed to be. Thyra had this inhuman, demon like presence to her. What she did, what she was capable of doing and how she looked wasn't realistic. It broke Andra's world view into two pieces. Sitting there on that chair, dying but still acting as if everything was fine, Andra had no idea how far humans could push themselves. She had no idea of the extent of humanity. Thyra pushed the boarders far, almost too far. And eventually admiration for that motivation and capability lead to love. Somehow, somewhere. Andra still isn't sure how it happened. When did the protectiveness over Fei turn into love? When did the admiration for Thyra turn into love? Why can't she remember?