𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐇 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 [slow updates]

𝟖

CINDY

Plot twist: still pregnant.

Yet another shocking twist... I'm sobbing uncontrollably.

Not because I have a child inside of me, but because I didn't realize how much I hate my relationship until two hours ago.

I alway had those fleeting thoughts and feelings, but that's all I thought they were. Fleeting. But they're here. Have been for a long time, and now I have no idea what to do.

Break up with him, be happy, figure out how we can make this work with the kid without being together. That seems lovely. It also seems good for all parties.

But then... I could stay with him, keep the "fleeting" feelings to myself, and share this wonderful thing with my soon-to-be husband.

I read romance. There is one choice. Break up, find true love. That's how it works, right? But then that freaks me out even more because I thought Tommy was it for me.

I still love him, still want to marry him, want to share my life with him. I'm just not happy. And that isn't going to change. I know that. So, I can't unhappily share my life with someone. There will always be a part of me that is unhappy, and there is no winning in this relationship. At least not on my side.

God, I hate to say it. But this is feeling awfully like that "right person, wrong time" thing. And it makes me want to physically cringe.

Is it bad that I'm manifesting he cheats so that I don't have to hurt him?

Wow. Apparently, this is my brain now. What is wrong with me?

I decide fifteen minutes into my mental meltdown that all I can do is call the only person I know that is my age and a mother: my best friend. My GPS, my platonic soulmate.

It's about that time that she gets off of work. She won't mind, will she?

Well, truth be told I couldn't care less if she minds. I just need her. Chances are, even if she did mind, she'd let me speak. She'd let me vent, and do one of the things she does best.

"Hi. What's up?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh... Uh, okay. You okay? You sound a little dead." She chuckles.

Usually I'd chuckle along with her. You know, the way friends do. Maybe banter a little. But that part of me is gone now. I've locked that Cindy away, and who knows when I'll get a glimpse at her next. This is a time of darkness, not happiness.

I'm emo now. Googling what I need to change about my clothing immediately.

"No, I'm not okay. Of course I'm not okay, Hope." I groan, shoving my face into my hands. "Do you remember what we were talking about a few weeks ago. About me and Tommy?"

"That you were feeling a little distant?"

"Mm-hmm."

"'Course. Is that what's wrong? You're still feeling like that?"

I don't know how to answer. I mean, yes because this doesn't feel right anymore. But also no because I don't want to hurt him.

Ha. I'm going to stab myself if I don't get this sorted.

"I... God, I don't know anymore. Did you ever feel like this?"

She hums in thought, and I try to claw my eyes out. This is more a me problem. Hope and her husband are made for each other. High school sweethearts, other halves, soulmates—all that. No way has she ever—