All I Ask

Four

Steve holds both of your hands so you don't fall while ice skating. "I've gotcha," he says. You giggle as you try to glide closer to him.

"I don't know how you do this," you say. Steve grabs your waist and pulls you closer to him. "Bucky and I use to skate when we were younger," he says.

"That's cute," you say. Steve chuckles. He takes your hands again and leads you to the exit of the skating rink. "C'mon, let's head back," he says.

He helps you take your skates off and waits patiently for you to put your shoes on. He calls a cab and opens the door for you.

Once you get back to the compound, Steve walks you to your room. "Thanks Stevie. I had a really good time tonight," you say.

"I did too," Steve says with a smile. He leans down and softly brushes his lips against yours before saying goodnight and walking away.

You open the door to your room and as soon as you close it, you pressed against it. Bucky kisses you roughly and you reciprocate and kiss him back. He grips your waist in both hands as he pulls you away from the door and lays you on your bed.

"Bucky," you softly moan when he starts kissing your neck. "Shh. It's alright doll. I've got you," he whispers against your skin.

You grip the bottom of his shirt and pull it over his head. You trace your fingers over his abs and chest, electing a groan from him.

Something clicks in your brain and you find the strength to push him off of you. "What? Did I do something wrong?" He asks.

You scoff as you sit up. "What am I to you?" You ask.

"What?" He asks.

"I don't know what this is. Am I your friend? Am I more than your friend? Am I just something for you to fuck whenever you feel like it? What is this?" You ask.

"We're nothing y/n. We're just in a casual..."

"Having sex with each other?" You ask as you swallow the lump in your throat.

"Well, I mean, yea," Bucky says.

"I think you should leave," you say. He stands up and walks over to you, but you walk away. "Did I do something to upset you?" He asks.

"It's nothing," you say and look away from him as a tear slides down the side of your face. Bucky walks up to you and frames your face in his hands before you can walk or pull away. "What did I do?" He asks.

"It's something you can't control," you say softly.

"If you tell me, I'll try my best to control it," he says.

"You're only saying that so you don't lose your screw buddy," you snap. Bucky closes his eyes in frustration. "Y/n—"

"You can't control who you love," you say. Bucky opens his eyes and looks at you confused. "What?" He asks.

You sigh deeply. "I'm in love with you, Bucky," you say, "and I know you don't feel the same. You can't choose who you love and you can't control it. No matter how hard you try, you can't pretend you're in love," you say.

"I uh— I," Bucky falls short, unable to come up with words to say.

Tears fall freely from your eyes. With a cracking voice, you say something you never wanted to say, but knew you'd have to eventually.

"This needs to end. It's not healthy for you and it's definitely not healthy for me," you squeak out.

"Your not in love with me and this isn't ending," he says.

"Do you not see what you're doing to me? I'm crumbling on the inside because of you. Every, single, fucking day, I have to somehow find the strength to see you and talk to you. To make small talk with you like there's nothing going on between us. It's hurting me. These little meet ups are hurting me. Every time you talk about her to me, it hurts me. A person can only take so much before they break and you... you're breaking me apart and leaving the pieces scattered on the floor. And I don't need more pieces to be added to that pile. I need someone to glue them back together."

Bucky rolls his eyes as he steps away from you. "I'm not going to ask again James. Get out," you say.

"I thought you said you weren't gonna ask me again?"

"I'm not asking, I'm telling. Get out of my room, or so help me I will get Wanda Maximoff in here to force you out. Or maybe I'll do it myself," you say.

Bucky scoffs. He grabs his shirt off the floor and leaves your room, slamming the door on his way out.

You lay on your bed and silently cry yourself to sleep. Like you have been for a long time.