Human | REWORKING

(3) CONTROL

(3) CONTROL

For six months I had faced this same problem. I would be the attacker, the one to chase after that delicious smell that set every nerve on fire. And as a snarl escaped from me as the Cullen family stood in my way, I knew that there was only one way to stop me. 

Use my anger to distract my need to drain the human. 

After becoming a vampire, I learned that I could do many things at once, but the most important thing I learned that my emotions had the biggest control over my actions. I could think about countless things, do countless things at once, and still when an emotion becomes so strong; a thirst drives me so crazy; it all faded to the back of my mind. 

It was because of this I knew my sister would never be safe with me around. 

I charged at the group deciding that it would be easier to get around Rosalie. A breeze wrapped around me, the suffocating scent of my sister a harsh reminder of what I was chasing after. Rosalie didn't let me by, stopping me.

A thunderous noise echoed as we clashed against each other. With her having the advantage I could feel as I was flung back. Hands grabbed me before I could charge once again, holding me in place. In less than a moment I knew it was Emmett holding me in place. 

"You need to control yourself, Renée."  Carlisle moved to stand right in front of me. His hands were raised as if to show he wasn't a threat. "Use that control you showed at the beginning. You don't have to feed on humans. Let us help you." 

I snarled at him, as anger hit me even more then my thirst. If they had wanted to help me, they wouldn't have left. If they wanted to help me, they wouldn't have let this happen to us.

They didn't do anything before. They ran away when it became inconvenient. 

When we became inconvenient. And now they were back. 

Back and around my sister once more. 

"You don't really want to hurt Bella. I know you don't." It wasn't her that I wanted to hurt anymore. It wasn't my sister that I felt the need to rip apart. "Fight against the thirst, Renée." 

"You..." It was a struggle in itself not to lash out at the vampire before me. As human memories of a time with the Cullens came just as quickly as the memories of being tossed aside. 

Carlilse Cullen. He was the leader of the coven. I knew that. He acted as the father of the group, from what Jasper had once said. He was the one that everyone could go to. And when I was alive, in those hazy memories I could agree with that. 

"I'm sorry." His apology hit me and the fight I was putting up against Emmett disappeared. "I'm sorry we couldn't arrive in time for you, Renée. That this happened to you. I am truly sorry that we couldn't help you before." 

I stared at him and his golden eyes. 

"Why didn't you?"

Why didn't you come sooner? Why did you let it happen? 

Question after question filled my mind. 

How could Alice had not seen what happened? Why did they not arrive before? Why did they let me become one of them? 

Why did they come back? 

"We didn't know. Let us help you now, Renée. We'll help you in the same way we'll help this newborn as well. We can show you another way." 

As much as a part of me believed him, I couldn't fully do so. His family has tossed me to the side once, even if I was human at that time. How could I believe that they would help me know and not throw me out afterwards?