Home Sweet Home | a. arlert

Chapter 25; Understanding

*smut but not much*

*Knock, knock, knock*

I tapped my knuckles against the window of his car but he didn't respond. I tapped them again and finally, the window rolled down. Jean looked dazed, like he had just woken up from a long nap. "Uh, why are you just parked here? You waiting for someone?"

"I uh- no. I don't know why I'm here," he said rather frazzled.

"Are you stalking me mullet?" I poked my head through the window.

"Wha- no, why would you think that? I just happened to run into you."

I don't know what I expected when I walked over here but this isn't it. Part of me wanted some form of closure with him since I know he's been trying to reach me but now I wasn't so sure.

"Why were you crying?" His eyes softened.

"Mind your business," I said while turning to walk away.

"Wait, let me drive you home. You shouldn't be out like this. We could even grab food!" He called.

I felt my blood boil. Asking me to grab food and drive me home after everything he's done, like I've forgotten. I didn't care how long ago that all was, it still happened. I stopped walking, turning back to put my head through the window again. This would be my closure, "I'll say it once and only once Jean, I don't want you. I honestly don't think I ever did, I think I just wanted some piece of normality when I got here and you gave me that. We used each other and that's that, get over it." His eyes widened and his lips twitched but I was already gone before he could speak.

That handles that, I thought. No more Jean in my life. No more random texts, no more trying to ambush me at school, no more arguing with Armin, it was over.

Going over to Jean was actually the best thing I could've done. The anger I felt towards him distracted me from what really mattered. That was until I walked through the apartment's door.

"Oh hey y/n, long time no see!" Someone called from the couch.

God hated me, I was sure. There sat fucking Marco on my goddamn couch. Ya out with Annie and Marco my ass Armin. I sent a quick wave before storming to my room, tears filling my eyes once again. I knew he was lying, I could tell but I tried so hard to believe he wouldn't do that. What could he possibly be doing that would require him to not only lie to me but to treat me like garbage?

Still upset, I threw my clothes to the side, needing something new on my body. I walked over to my closet to find a sweater but my heart broke when I saw all of Armin's clothes he had left here. My favorite sweater of his was right at the front since it was my go to but I had to shove it out of my eyesight. I grabbed the next sweater I could find, it was big enough to cover my whole form. I closed the closet door, finally seeing myself in the mirror once again. My body was different though, a light bruise was starting to form across my stomach from where I was being pushed into the desk.

I trailed my finger across it in disbelief and disgust. It looked so gross, I looked so gross.  It was a little reminder of how Armin had treated me. Is this what love looks like? Not wanting to stare at myself longer, I went to the bathroom to shower so I could wash away every part of my body he had touched. Armin could touch me, but whatever that just was, wasn't him. I didn't want it.

The shower was nice, it helped me clear my head a bit. I wasn't even that angry, I was just upset. With Armin and with myself for letting him even treat me like that, use me like he did. Was everything up until now a lie? Was I too stupid to see all this coming.