Home Sweet Home | a. arlert

Chapter 26; We'll Be Okay

*TW: talks of sexual assault* 

Armin had long fallen asleep, lying peacefully beside me but I couldn't get myself to do the same. I felt on edge being next to him. I knew the person beside me was someone I loved but it was still hard to lay next to him. I knew he wouldn't do anything to me again but a part of me was still afraid. He did it so easily without even realizing it until I spoke up.

What would happen if I let my guard down?

I looked over at his face and he looked exactly like the boy I fell in love with, blonde hair, soft features and that returning smell of vanilla. I wanted to just be happy with him but how could I forgive and forget so easily? His actions were engraved in me, literally. Every time I saw that bruise I wanted to curl up and cry. Armin had lost part of the trust I gave him.

The worst part is that it brought back up so many bad memories I did everything to forget. It wasn't the first time someone has hurt me like that, forced themselves on me. Up until now, those memories never crossed my mind, I thought I had healed from them.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek and onto my pillow. How could you love someone but also feel so uneasy around them?

Sleep didn't come till much later in the night when my body physically couldn't stay awake anymore. I slept with my body on the edge of the mattress, subconsciously keeping space between Armin and I. The whole night my thoughts were poison in my mind.

My sleep was light so as soon as I heard the faintest of birds chirping outside my window, I was awake. Armin was in the same spot I had seen him last and I was almost falling off the bed. I slipped out of bed silently so I wouldn't wake him, walking over to my closet to pull out some baggy clothes. I didn't want anyone to see my body.

I walked into the kitchen to grab some water and when I came back Armin was awake. He sat at the edge of the bed, eyes glowing when he saw me walk in. "Good morning," he said with a smile and that slightly raspy morning voice.

"Good morning." I placed my glass on my end table and started to tidy up my room so I would stop fidgeting.

"Why are you up so early?" He questioned.

"Couldn't sleep."

Armin frowned slightly, watching my body to see what sort of mood I was in. I wasn't in any mood though, I was just tired. I'd probably skip school today to try and catch some sleep.

Armin got up and started to change into his clothes from the previous day. His hand fumbled in his pocket for a second before he finally pulled out what he was looking for. It was my ring. "Will you please put this back on? I don't like seeing you without it."

"No," I said jokingly.

He laughed and took a step forward, grabbing my wrist to bring my hand up. The sudden contact made me jump and I pulled my hand back, holding it close to my chest. Armin looked just as startled but became worried when he saw the fear in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"Why are you apologizing?" Armin knew right away where this behavior came from. It killed him to know that you were afraid of him. His heart squeezed viciously in his chest and his hands started to shake. How could he make the one he loves fear him? "I should be apologizing. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that."

I had to hold back the tears as I looked at his face. He looked so sad. What is wrong with me? He's my boyfriend, he should be allowed to touch me without me freaking. He wasn't even trying to hurt me so why did I get so scared?

"Hey, stop beating yourself up. This isn't your fault." Armin walked closer to me, making sure to be slow in case he scared me away. He reached out and grabbed my hand again, squeezing it in his own, "I have work in a bit but we can talk when I'm done. Okay?"