SO BEAUTIFUL AND NICE PEOPLE what are your fandom’s? Im directioner belieber and 5sos fan. The feels are real. Lorde and the killers are my punk rock soul.
-x-
[[ H A R R Y ]]
Me: Ed I need to talk to you.
If I'm going to have a god damn emotional breakdown, I'm going full out bitch mode on everyone. I'm so upset right now. I love that boy and all he does is hurt me. He tells me he likes me and then kisses Zayn.
When did all of this become so complicated? I never planned any of this. I thought that it'd be me and him and everything would be okay, but it's not and I can't stop this lump in my throat. I can't hold back my tears. I'm just a boiling pot left on too long.
ugh Ed: ok? are you going to come over?
ugh Ed: I could use a little bit of Harry.
Me: how about no.
Me: you and I haven't been together in months.
Me: I literally dumped you three months ago but you refuse to acknowledge that
Me: you and I aren't a thing, Ed.
Me: I don't like you.
Me: you're a bitch, you constantly act like you're better than everyone else, and you refuse to treat anybody but yourself nicely
Me: I only dated you because that's what everyone expected
Me: we've been over. we are over.
Me: don't call me asking to "hang out"
Me: don't kiss me when you think I'm being cranky when in reality I just don't want you around
Me: don't act like we're dating when we're not
I sigh. Suddenly I've said all this stuff and I just feel worse about my situation.
Me: look I'm sorry
Me: it's just....
Me: you and I have had three and a half years of history but
Me: I recently met this boy
Me: and I am crazy in love with him.
Me: and I just can't be with you when I want him. I'm sorry Ed.
Me: it's unfair to string you along when i have no feelings for you
Me: you deserve someone who loves only you
Me: if it's an consolation I think Zayn is single
Maybe I shouldn't of added in that last part. I really need to work on this "thinking before saying" thing.
I just honestly don't know what to do now. I lost Louis and I dumped Ed. But even though I dumped Ed, I don't feel like it changes anything with Louis. He's still out there with Zayn.
Zayn isn't even the guy he thinks he is. Zayn goes through men faster than Taylor Swift. He literally told me last week about some blonde he "hooked up" with. I imagine he was talking about sex, but I was talking to Louis at the time, so I didn't care.
Despite being pissed off as hell about the whole Zayn thing, I'm still worried as hell that he's going to get his heart broken. I won't even be able to help him. I don't want to see him cry. I'd literally fall to pieces if Louis cries.
I remember last year when his friend committed suicide. He didn't show up at school for a week. A lot people said he had tried himself. I didn't believe them, though. He showed up the following day perfectly fine. Well alive, perfectly fine. But I saw the way he looked. His eyes never looked up as he walked and when they did, they had this sense of sadness and longing. After awhile his clothes got really loose and his cheeks become sunken in. It was like watching something slowly dying. You could always see his eyes were red like he had just gotten through crying, but he never cried in public.
I think that's when I first noticed Louis on a different level. I had known him since my sophomore year, his freshman year, but I never really knew about him. I knew I had him in my geometry class and that he literally excelled in the class. I just thought he was some nerdy freshman.
But when his friend died last year, I saw him. I watched him slowly recover from his friend's death. I saw his clothes fit better and his eyes shine brighter. I saw his smile at lunch and chat in between classes. Louis always finds a way to get better. He never stops believing that, despite what happens in life, it does get better.
But I have a reputation. People think I'm arrogant and mean. They just assume me as the typical rich kid. I never approached Louis for the fear of him judging me the way everyone else does. I decided about a month ago that I'd ask Niall for his number... For studying purposes, since I have him in two of my AP classes.
He agreed of course. It must of taken me a week and a half of typing and then un-typing until I finally sent that first text. I felt like a giant idiot for being so corny and cliché.
I wish Louis didn't hate me. I should've just stopped worrying about what people thought of me. I should've just talked to him. And now I've created a web of lies and destruction.
Worst of all, he hates both of us now. Maybe it's not the connotation of my name that causes judgment, maybe I really am just a bad person. If I can't even get him to like me as a complete stranger, right? I hate myself so much right now.
I hate Zayn so much right now. Zayn doesn't love him. He doesn't even know him. I know Louis. I could love Louis a hundred times better than Zayn. Louis has far too many layers of fear and history to let anyone in, even Zayn.
[[ /// \\\ ]]
New text. Please be Louis. I refuse to text him first, but I'd never ignore him if he messaged me.
Zayn Malik: dude you won't believe it
You took the boy I love? I don't believe it either.
Me: what
Zayn Malik: I just hooked up with this smokin hot blonde.
Zayn Malik: idk man I think he is a freshman though
Zayn Malik: I'm hanging out with that emo guy Louis later
Zayn Malik: two in one amazing day bro
Zayn Malik: hey did you do the paper for AP Psych?
No. No. He can't be serious. He has to be joking. I don't even know what to say right now.
Maybe I should tell Louis? Would he believe me?
Me: I have a few things to say.
Me: first, fuck yourself.
Me: second, fall off a fucking cliff asshole
Me: Louis likes you and you're fucking him over like this?
Zayn Malik: chill out dude. we're not even dating.
Zayn Malik: since when did you start defending the emo?
Zayn Malik: a bit of a crush, huh?
Me: I started defending him when you started messing with him.
Me: it doesn't make it right, period.
Me: you tell him right now or I do
Zayn Malik: you wouldn't and I won't.
I screenshot the conversation and send it to Louis.
[[ L O U I S ]]
Me: I changed your name to Zee.
Zee: why?
Me: it's cute.
Zee: I think that's a girls name babe (:
Me: you make a very attractive girl babe. (:
Zee: I think you make a beautiful boy babe. (:
I notice I have a new text from someone else.
Ex-Bae: new picture message.
I open the picture and it's a screenshot of a conversation.
It's a conversation with Zayn?
Me: what the hell is this
Me: you tell me to never talk to you and then you send me this?
Me: is it fake?
Ex-Bae: no, lou, it's not.
Ex-Bae: are you okay?
Zayn is sleeping with girls? Was he just using me? I can't believe I didn't see this coming.
I was stupid to think somebody like him would like someone like me. I was just an easy target.
Me: I thought you said you didn't know Zayn?
Ex-Bae: I got his number at the New Year's Eve party and he was telling me about you and yeah
Me: oh... okay...
Ex-Bae: Louis, I'm so sorry. Please.
Me: I'm fine.
I wipe the tears off of my cheek and set my phone down. I was stupid to think any of this was right. Once again Harry and his stupid friends manage to fuck me over. Nothing good comes from Harry and his friends.
Ex-Bae: Louis, I know you're not okay. It's okay to not be okay. You always try to act strong and I want you to know that it's not healthy to hold it all in. Just talk to me, okay? I will listen and I will help and I will make sure it hurts less, because I know it probably hurts like hell right now. And you're feeling betrayed by him. I want you to know that Zayn is an asshole. Hands down. But that doesn't mean I am. I'm not going to hurt you, Louis.
Ex-Bae: I love you so so so much and it's hurting so bad to know you're hurting. Please don't push me away because of this
Ex-Bae: I know I said some mean things last night but I was jealous. Absolutely jealous of him. Because he got to kiss you. He got to put his hands on your waist and feel your heart beat against his chest. He got your attention and affection and I was being shoved aside. I just want to be with you so badly, Louis, it hurts.
Ex-Bae: I'm here for you, okay? I love you.
Me: I'll be okay, babe. It hurts but I'm glad I found out now before I got too attached to him.
Me: I love you so damn much and I don't even know your name. I feel like shit because I was going to choose him.
Me: it's obvious that I was suppose to choose you
Me: I love you.
Me: a lot. And I'm willing to wait for you.
Me: because I wouldn't want anyone else but you.
-x-
OK AM I THE ONLY ONE FREAKING OUT oh and the story gets better I swear. Use the tag #louisio on twitter if you want to talk about de fic? I love you all a lot!
