River of sin

39. Do not lose yourself

Harrison ran into the barn in a blind panic, interrupting Jacob's daily implementation of torture on Sullivan, who he was keeping alive, on the brink of death.
"Jacob!" Harrison fell over his own feet
"I'm in the middle of something!" He growled out with his thumbs pressed into the eyes of Sullivan, Harrison pulling him off "what you doing, Harry!" Jacob shoved him angrily "I told you if you don't got the stomach for it don't come in here! Shut it!" He furiously kicked Sullivan with force when he groaned in pain "I told you you're never laying eyes on her again, I'll make sure of it!"
"Jacob!" Harrison snapped holding Jacob's face to focus him "it's Evie."

Jacob frantically ran across the property bursting through the doors, calling for Evie. "What happened?" He asked stumbling through the bathroom door, looking down at his two brothers lifting Evie out of the red bath water, in her blood soaked nightgown. "No no no" he took over scooping her up and running her into the bedroom "Evie? Evie speak to me? Evie! Call a doctor. Quickly!"
"Jacob" he looked up seeing Danny holding a blood covered knitting needle. "If the Doc reports this then they'll arrest her, Jacob! We're not in Brent's jurisdiction."
"Then get one that will keep their god damn mouth shut! There's money in the safe! Hurry up!" He shouted at them

"Evie? Evie? Open your eyes for me. Oh Evie what you done, little darling."
"We've been trying old wives tales" Trudy ran in with towels "to try and bring it on naturally. I didn't think she'd..."
"You knew she was trying to rid herself of it on her own! Why? I told her I was sorting it!"
"Because....she felt it move inside her, Jacob. The longer you leave it the more risk.....she threw herself down the stairs yesterday, she did not trip over her already wobbly legs."
"It's the first time she'd tried the stairs!" Jacob protested
"Jake! It was no accident! She's been drinking heavily all day, I thought she'd gone to bed to sleep it off. I should have been watching her more carefully, I'm sorry....Jake..." she took his hand placing it on Yvonne's stomach
"Shit" he cursed the baby kicking him, shocked at the size of the mound she'd been hiding from him "she's further along than we thought, isn't she. Damn it, Evie. Why did she not tell me! She will not let me touch her still!"

Jacob paced anxiously outside the room with Danny, waiting on news. Hours past by, Jacob trying to listen in, to no avail until the door opened, the terrified doctor that had been dragged there by gun point, stepping out covered in blood.
"I've done the best I can." He dried his hands
"She dies. You die. Understood!" Jacob said shortly, pushing past him "how is she?" He asked Trudy
"As well as can be expected. It will be touch and go, Jacob. If she makes it through the night and tomorrow then hopefully.....you still have a high risk of infection setting in."
"Leave us. Pay him. Make sure he understands the consequences of opening his mouth" he ordered Danny
"Jacob" Trudy stepped forward offering a folded blanket "what do you want doing with.....It was a boy"
Jacob unfolded the blanket, covering his mouth with the back of his hand, quickly covering it back over "Harry! Build a bonfire. Then burn it." Jacob shook his head attempting to pour himself a strong drink, the glass clanking against each other as his hands shook violently. "It's not to be spoken of again. Understood! By anybody! This never fucking happened!" He smashed his glass angrily

Jacob sat by Yvonne's bed, mopping her feverish forehead gently "oh my little Evie. What am I to do with you eh. I told you I was sorting it."
"Jacob?" Trudy knocked lightly, bringing in his supper "how is she?"
"Burning up. Bleeding heavily." He placed his hand on her stomach rubbing his thumb "I let her down. Again. What would Gran say."
"She'd say the same as I" Trudy sat on the bed taking his hand "both Gran and I have been where Yvonne is now, Jacob."
"You.....gran?"
"She did not want anyone to know. As did I. My Danny knows. Your Gran did it herself, like Yvonne did, just earlier on. After that Barnes brute.....Myself...a backstreet job. Cost my father his entire monthly pay packet. I was a way along. As Yvonne was. Too scared to tell my father. Too scared of...him. A man that worked with my father. That I used to call Uncle, because he and my father were that close. I never told my father who it was, I told him I did not know the man. Only person that knew his name was my Danny. The man he killed. I nearly did not make it, Jacob. I did not think I could have more children, hence why we weren't careful and ended up having a shotgun wedding."
He squeezed his sister in laws hand tightly, looking worriedly at Yvonne.

"When all you want to do is forget. To get clean. To get the stench and feel of him off you and there is a part of him, growing inside you, moving, reminding you of what he did.  It makes you desperate and you do not think beyond the action, you do not think of the consequences. Do not think her cold hearted. I know plenty of brave women who bring up their rapists child, with good men that stand by them, like her mothers husband did."
"Are you saying I should have offered? I did not offer because I knew it is not what she wanted. I do not think I could do it but I would have tried for her or found them a good a home."
"I know you. I know it would have been hard but you would stand by her, you would have loved and have been a father to that boy like you are to Betty. The fact you knew what she wanted and did not try to persuade her otherwise, that is still standing by her. That is still offering your support. I am saying. Desperate women do desperate things."
"I am not judging her. I just wish she had trusted me to help her. I am still here waiting Trudy and I feel helpless! I am not used to feeling helpless! I am the one they turn to, the one with the answers, the plans, the solutions! Now I find myself sat here with nothing but blind hope.....I should have stayed away from her. She would not be in this state if I had."
"Really?" Trudy snuffed "from the conversations I've had with her in regards to her family, she would be in this state or far worse a lot sooner. She still loves you, Jacob. You know that don't you?"
"If I am honest, I have started to doubt it"
"Well don't!" Trudy kissed his head

"soon this will all be over."
"Until the next thing" Jacob rubbed his face "for the first time in my life....I'm wondering if it is all worth it. I thought bringing that monster here, making him suffer would ease my pain but it hasn't."
"If we wanted prim and proper honest men we wouldn't be coupled up with Evans brothers" Trudy sniggered "yes, sure, a little more safety would be nice, for the children. we knew what we were getting into, Jacob. She had a ring from an honest..ish...man. With wealth and class. She chose you. You remember that.....Jacob, you can keep us safe and do your business without turning into the sadists that did this to her. Do not loose yourself. What would Monty be telling you?"
"He'd be telling me to lay down with my girl, hold her close, look after her and leave the animal to him. He'd tell me to stop fannying around and marry my girl, to stop waiting for her to come to me. He'd be telling me the opposite of you. So tell me who I should listen to. You or him?"

"Jacob....she will flinch at you, at men, for some time. Unless she tells you no....then she is not pushing you away, you are stepping away, do you understand? Hold her. Love her. Just go slow, don't sneak up on her, be gentle. If she asks you to stop or says no, if you can see in her face she does not want to be touched, then you respect that but don't leave. Just....sit near her. You do not realise how much you are doing for her by simply sitting with her day and night in silence. You are doing everything, it might feel like you are helpless and doing nothing but trust me, you are doing everything, knowing you are there brings her comfort, makes her feel safe. You know what my Danny does on my off days. He sits opposite me and simply touches my toes with his, so I know he's there but at a safe distance for me to feel comfortable. it is the little things, Jacob, not the big that you should be focussing on. Eat. Like she'd be telling you to. Your gorgeous little one downstairs has discovered pears and has all her uncles besotted with her. Little Betty is relishing in her role of big sister, she is happy and reassured that the lies your sister fed her are all false, that you are not leaving her now you have them back. do not forget it is her birthday soon. Make a fuss of her, Jake, you've been that girls father since she was two months old. I'll fetch her some more pain meds, think the fall down the stairs didn't help the bruised ribs and ankles, bless her."
"Thank you" he smiled tiredly at his sister in law "my brother chose a good one."