Infatuation (PLL Emison AU)

Anatomy

A/N: Just getting a feel for things on this site. I am considering deleting my works on wattpad and making them exclusive to Archive of Our Own and Fanfic. I don't get near as much feedback on here. Feel like a tiny little fish in a huge ocean.

Wattpad is also known for being a huge pirating site and plagiarism waiting to happen. I would like to know how many people are actually reading this work (and my other works) to make this determination. I just don't feel comfortable (or heard much) here. If you are a fan, please speak up, because otherwise I'm considering a major overhaul on where my works are posted. I value readers input, which is why I am asking.

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Chapter 10:

Anatomy

Not much frightened Alison DiLaurentis. Having survived a tumultuous childhood, she had already conquered her deepest fears. She thought she'd faced the worst of it. She thought she could face anything. But opening herself up to Emily had proved to be a challenge.

It was easy to fight physical manifestations of fears.

A scary person could be punched. A venomous creature could be squashed. Even fears of the dark could be cured by simply turning on the lights.

But emotionally, it wasn't that simple.

Fear manifested in ways that left people helpless to their own minds.

The blonde didn't know how to let herself be vulnerable, though she could sense that's what Emily wanted. She was afraid of letting her walls down for many reasons. Not only because she feared that Emily might discover who she was, but also because it meant facing her past in ways that she never had before.

Growing up she learned exactly what to say, what to do, and how to act to get by...to blend in. She spouted out everything her therapists wanted to hear. She acted exactly like society expected a girl her age to act.

She had been pretending her whole life. She'd lived in the darkness for so long that she had adjusted to seeing in it...to navigating through it.

But now she was sitting on a powder keg, and she was one tiny spark away from igniting it and blowing up her entire past. She felt like she was spinning out of control.

She wasn't sure she was ready to face her demons.

Ironic, the devil being afraid of her own monsters.

After sharing bits and pieces of herself with Emily, Alison was worried that she'd chase her away, though the brunette didn't seem to frighten easily.

Alison was absolutely terrified of what she might do if her emotions backed her into a corner. Would she do to Emily what she'd done to her family?

I killed them.

She couldn't remember it, but their blood was all over her hands. She had the knife, her little heart pounding in her chest. She should have been frightened, but she'd felt empowered having complete control.

The doors to her past were opening up, and it was making her antsy. She wasn't focused. She was having bad dreams. She didn't feel like herself.

She didn't have typical coping mechanisms, so she had to fall back on what she was really good at.

Anatomy.

Whether it was a body on her surgical table in the hospital or a body being chopped to pieces, the only time she could maintain a sense of control was doing what she did best.

Cutting into human flesh.

She should have waited for her next kill, planned like she normally did, but there was a driving hunger in her that was making her feel insane. Her surgeries weren't enough.