Hate & Love

Fresh air

I just got out the shower, ready to start my New Years Eve off on the right foot. Everybody was supposed to be going to Cassie's later today. She was having a little kickback, but kickbacks never stay kick-backed.

When I got dressed, I went to the trap to see what need to be done. It wasn't as many people here like I thought it would be, but I'm sure tonight was gone be a different story.

Jah was sitting down in the living room, looking like somebody pored alcohol in his eyes. I was surprisingly sober right now but that was only because I ran through my last bit of marijuana yesterday. And the last time I checked, the weed supply was low.

"Yo wassup witchu?", I asked jah as I dapped him up.

"Shit, what bout you? You good?", he asked me.

I know he wasn't just asking about me, but about how I was handling the shit that he told me.

"I'm good bruh, you got some on you?", I asked

"Some percs, I just smoked my last blunt. I think Robbie got some pressure on him but he wit his bitch.", Now I was seriously considering popping a perc. It wouldn't be my first time, I just preferred weed over opioids. "Gimme 4", I hand him the money for them and he gives the percs to me.

I went ahead and popped one, then went to see if Shay was here.

We haven't talked since that night I cried in front of her like a bitch. I've been avoiding her as much as I can. I felt like an asshole about it but being around Shay makes me vulnerable. I guess somewhere between her needing comfort and me being that for her, she became mines too.

And I feel guilty about it. Moni and I have been good so far, I'd hate to fuck that up. She's the one good thing that isn't involved with this street shit. I can be with her just to talk about chasing dreams or to smoke a blunt and watch tv or to fuck.

"Yo", I said and knocked on the door to the money room.

The door opened and Shay was behind it. She had these long ass braids, her nails done, make up done, and a black dress. She looked good, real good.

"Damn way you going?"  I asked her.

"Out", she said.

"Looking like that, must be going on a date or some?", she went behind the table and started to count the money that was on it. "Maybe", she said.

I can't lie, I felt some type of way but she not my girl.

"Word, this nigga must be some serious if he got you going on dates and shit.", Shay don't go for any kind of nigga. So I was truly interested  in who he was.

"One, he ain't a nigga. Two, he's a man unlike these stupid ass boys that just want to chill and fuck.", she said.

"Damn so you fucking with them white folks now, that's crazyyy.", she scoffed and rolled her eyes. I never in my life thought Shay would fuck with a white man.

"How's your girlfriend?", she asked.

"She good. You coming to Casey's kickback?"

"Ion know I haven't talked to Casey in a good minute.", I nodded understanding where she was coming from.

Casey and Shay used to be friends of at least they associated with each other until they didn't. I don't know what happened if anything did happen and I don't really care either.

Suddenly, the room started to feel like it was spinning and my heart was thumping against my chest. "You good?", Shay asked

I laughed "hell yeah, dat perc just creeped in on my ass"