Hate & Love

New Beginnings

Shay's PoV-

The summer really flew by, it was now a week before my move in day and I was excited to finally be moving forward with my life.

After all this year has brought me I was ready to receive a blessing that would keep on giving. Attending Spelman College, a school that has gifted the world with so many powerful woman of color, it was bound to change my life for the better. I could feel it already, I would be majoring in psychology with a minor in political science. I had hopes of becoming a therapist of some sort, mainly focusing on mental health.

Experiencing what I have, I wish I had someone I could talk to who could actually help me become better mentally. I still struggle with my mental health although I hide it well. I hate that what I've been through, fucked me up so much.

There's times when I could still feel Chiefs hands on me and I would get disgusted with myself.
How can I have anyone touch me after having that happen to me, I would often think. However, there were days where I felt beautiful in my skin. Especially when I was with Mercedes. She made sure to remind me of how beautiful I was everyday.

When I told her I was experiencing body dysmorphia, she made me stand in the mirror and recite self affirmations. I've been doing it everyday since. That has helped me a lot more than I thought it would.

Dee was a big help for me. She's literally made me feel like I was on top of the world. She's been applying pressure in every aspect and it's getting harder and harder to not fold.

Im halfway through a episode of CSI when I get a call from Dee. "Hello", I answered.

"Aye I'm at Wally World and I found this nice lil vault, I know you said you wanted one for yo apartment.", she turned the camera to show this all white safe.

"What you think?", she asked.

"It's cute but we already got a lot of shit going in the car.", I said. Dee decided for me that she was taking me to school. I didn't even argue with her this time because I really had no clue of how I was getting to school.

"Yeah well I might just get a damn U-haul"

I laughed, "Dee you keep spending all this money how about you invest it in something before you go broke and everything we've done is in vain.", Dee has been spending money a lot of money that she doesn't have. We came too far to go back to square one. Don't get me wrong though, I loved being spoiled.

"I have been investing, building my credit n shit. I even started looking for trades I can find myself building a career in.", she was walking through Walmart with the phone seemingly sitting up in the toddler seat of the cart.

She had a small smile on her face that she's been wearing for a minute now. It made me smile too. We were literally just in the worst situation anyone could be in and now we were growing away from that situation and the misery it brought us.

It also worried me, I felt like we were too complacent for us to have done what we've done. What we did to Chief could always come back to bite us in the ass. I've forgiven myself for it, even prayed about it but no matter how justified it was I felt as if we would pay for it one day.

"Hol on Moni calling me", she hung up and I just went back to watching Tv.

...................,

Dee's POV-

"Wass good Moni", I answered. Light sniffles could be heard through the phone.

"Aamoni what's going on?", I was starting to get worried.

"Umm, I-I took a pregnancy test today because I haven't been feeling well...", she realeased a deep shaky breath.