Hate & Love

Time Management

Shay's Pov-

I'd never thought this moment would come. I was officially admitting myself to Spelman College and looking for an apartment in Atlanta.

I was looking for student housing apartments that I could permanently rent out. My best choice as of now was a place called Yugo. It looked to be a nice environment, way better than where I was at now.

The price was okay for the luxury. I wasn't too worried about affording anything since the amount I have saved is enough to pay for both my semesters and the amount of money that I have from the money taken from Chief would keep me stable.

I was also applying for scholarships, so money wasn't a problem. However, I wasn't sure how I would get to Atlanta. It is 7 hours away by car, I could ask Dee for help but I'm beginning to grow tired of always asking Dee for help.

We both have so much going on with ourselves and I know dealing with someone else's shit can be frustrating. Even though, she probably wouldn't admit it if I was.

I could ask Matteo, he's been begging for a chance to please me in any way. We haven't exactly been communicating ever since the night Dee saw him. I just find it weird that he's the plugs brother. I wanted something that was separate from the street life and this man is everything but separate.

Then, I was also dealing with my feelings for Mercedes. I could deny my feelings to her but I know I've been falling for Dee ever since that night we went to waffle house.

It feels so foreign to me, I would've never even given the idea of a relationship of any sorts with Dee a thought around this time last year.

As much as I would like to act on my feelings, I'm just not ready to give someone that kind of vulnerability. Yes, me and Mercedes have shared plenty of vulnerable moments but that's just that. Moments.

With a relationships comes a kind of intimacy and openness that should be welcomed and cherished. Yet, I was afraid of it.

What if we did try something and she leaves me after she realizes this wasn't what she actually wanted. What if she hurts me? I couldn't take that. Dee is literally all I have that is genuine and I would hate to lose that.

I don't even believe Dee is ready for a relationship herself. She was just with Moni and now they are a mess. Their friendship that they had prior seems to be nonexistent.

Maybe I should talk to Mercedes, have a thorough conversion just to get an understanding on how we feel about each other and how to go about it.

I do owe her an answer, and I don't want to continue avoiding the situation.

At that thought, I closed my lab top and went to put on a hoodie. It was going on 9 pm and I was sure Dee would be home since she was distancing herself from the Trap.

I ordered me an Uber to her house and when it came I was greeted by a African man. The car ride was quiet and I sat there contemplating on how I was going to go about this.

This isn't my first time popping up at Dee's house l so I wasn't worried about this being a issue. Especially since she pops up at my apartment faithfully.

The Uber approaches her house I noticed a black Beamer parked behind Dee's car. I wasn't sure who car it was, knowing Benzo drives a old truck.

When I reached the door, I knock and when the door is opened I'm shocked to see Moni on the other side of it.

When did this happen?

"Oh umm is Dee here?", I asked even though it was obvious that she was.

"Yeah", Aamoni walks away and and I walk into the house.