The Alpha of Alphas: Apollo (boyxboy)

Chapter 10

WARNING: MENTIONS AND DESCRIPTIONS OF SUICIDE

The next few days consisted of me waking up in the middle of the night screaming and Alpha and Luna rushing in. Luna's tired face showed her clear expression of worry. Every time the night terrors started up again, I tried to commit suicide. This would be the fourth time I've had them over the years. The first time I had them were the first months I was here. I begged the Alpha to kill me instead of adopting me. At 8 years old, I begged him to end my life, claiming the suffering wasn't worth it. Once I got passed that, I got the terrors again when I was 10. This time I cut my arms in the bathtub. Luna found me before I did too much damage and bandaged me up. After I managed to get over that, I got the terrors again at 12. This time I took a bunch of random pills. They took me to get my stomach pumped, and while I was in the hospital recovering, I tied my sheets into a nuse and hung myself. Alpha found me and cut me down. That's when he decided he was going to train me to be a warrior, to let my emotions out on something other than myself.

I rolled out of bed from my restless sleep with one thing on my mind. In my terrors, my parents called me Blazen, just like Felix did at the party. Did he know my family when I was younger? A lot of my memories of my childhood were a blur, so I wasn't sure if I knew him. But one thing was sure, I had to confront him about that the next time I saw him.

I gathered my things for school, making sure I had everything I needed for hockey. I staggered downstairs, tired from the night before. Luna was cooking breakfast with the bags under her eyes hanging low. I couldn't tell if it was from lack of sleep, worrying, or both. Alpha was at the table chatting with Lyle, both looking just as tired as me. No one ever dared mention the events from the night before, and I was incredibly grateful for their patience. I thought Lyle would've made a sneer comment by now, but the only thing he gave me were pity looks. I couldn't tell which I'd prefer more.

"So you have that game today against the Black Heart pack?" Alpha spoke up, trying to break the gloomy vibe of the kitchen. I nodded, not finding the strength to speak. "Are you sure you'll be okay with your wound newly healed?" The concern in his voice was clear, something he didn't show very often.

I meet his eyes before nodding again. "Yeah, it's been healed for a few days now. It doesn't even hurt. I think this game will get my mind off a few things," I confessed, pushing my cereal around the bowl. I felt Lyle's eyes but didn't bother to meet them. Alpha didn't press the matter anymore.

Once I finished my breakfast, I gave Luna a small kiss on her head before heading towards the door.

"Blaze, your father is going to take your knife collection out of your room for now," Luna quickly said, looking at me with sad eyes. I paused in my tracks, feeling a little embarrassed for how many problems I was causing for them.

I was stunned by this but not surprised. Lyle looked at us curiously, trying to understand the interaction. He either was purposely left in the dark about the situation or he was too busy with himself while we were growing up to notice.

"I'm not 10 anymore," I muttered, looking down at my feet.

"It's not up for discussion, Blaze. It will make me feel better," Luna commanded, her voice quivering slightly. I nodded, not feeling comfortable using my voice. I glanced at Lyle who had his head cocked, before I walked out of the house.

In my car, I let out a shaky breath. Was I going to fall into a depressive state again? Was I going to be strong enough to make it through this time?

At school, Weston was coddling me. Though he tried hide his intentions of doing random acts of kindness, he made it painfully obvious. He would hold my books, open doors, and constantly ask if I needed anything. Ace even pitched in to help. The feelings I had for Ace were weirdly fading into simply a need to protect him. It was weird, but I didn't have the mental capacity to question it.