Cloud Dancer

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Author's Name:

AmeliaStoneheart

Reviewer:

YvonneKindle for Cover/Blurb

sky_is_limit for Hook and Plot Development

Review Type:

Cover, Blurb, Hook, and Plot Development


Cover Review:

First Impression Vibes: A young adult wolf story with a Native American main character. It's unclear what genre it is, though. My guess would be coming-of-age. I think she has a wolf friend or companion.

After Blurb Vibes: I'm surprised that it's a romance, especially what seems to be enemies-to-lovers.

The cover is great at being uncluttered and easy to read, even small. Having it be hand-drawn is an interesting choice, and the art is well done. It doesn't seem to match the genre, however. I wonder if adding a male character would help, one that appears fierce and is looking at her while she looks away (or maybe vice versa). To add tension, consider a storm cloud instead of light and fluffy. Overall, I'd give this cover a 6 out of 10.


Blurb Review:

I think this is a decent blurb to start with, but some work needs to be done on it. First, tweak the first sentence to make it more of a hook. Instead of "horrible mistake" consider "betraying them" and drop "which changed her life forever". If she betrayed packmates, this is obvious. The blurb sets the conflict nicely by stating another pack invades, but consider adding a descriptor like "power-hungy" to the word "pack". It's not clear why she offers herself as a mate, or what the stakes are if she doesn't. How does her world come crashing down if he rejects her? What is the enticing element that makes me care? The last paragraph is a good attempt at letting the reader know why they should choose the book, but it shifts into a person's opinion and changes the POV by using "I". I suggest "'Cloud Dance' is a new take on a werewolf story, based on real-world pack dynamics. It is a slow burn, heat level [pick a number 1-5, 1 being sweet and 5 being explicit] enemy-to-lovers romance. If you like wolves, love, and changing perspectives, you'll love this book!" Overall, I'd give this blurb a 6 out of 10 as well. It's got potential, though!


Hook Review:

I'm a sucker for outcast stories. There's always a certain novelty to them as well as the satisfaction when said outcast becomes vital to every character in the book. So, immediately I'm hooked. But let's start with the title. I think your title is a real money-maker. Why? Because it sounds ethereal in my opinion, like something major is bound to happen in the story. It makes me think of any type of media whether it's novels, films, etc. that are especially unique. The things you don't see often.

Okay, the prologue didn't do much for me. It was quite short and I actually felt maybe unnecessary? Though when I went back to read it, I realize this may be a sight into why Alexa is an outcast. There will be more about this in the plot section.

Chapter one left me hooked because it was so surprising to see how Alexa's mother reacted to her. There's obviously a story behind her hostility and reading the first chapter made me want to uncover what's going on. From there, I'd say readers will really keep interested and want to find out more.

Chapter two (one, part two) is... not a great follow up. I feel the momentum of the hook takes a bit of a dive, but I feel like that more because of how the plot is set up. More on that later as well. If I had to rate the hook, I'd give it a 7/10. Your chapter one really does it in for me.


Plot Development Review: 

First and foremost, there's only two chapters here. Two chapters is not nearly enough to give a plausible review on the plot because there's not much of a plot for now. Though I'll try my best to convey what I did pick up in what's posted.

As mentioned in the hook, I felt the prologue was out of place. I feel this way because I think it would have been better to find that out throughout the actual novel. With the prologue, it not only gives a spoiler to Alexa's situation and why she's in it, but it also just doesn't connect with the story in general. I would consider removing the prologue and adding that bit to the writing later on. Keep some of the mystery so readers have something to look forward to.

Okay, I know in one of your notes you gave the reason why you split the chapter up. I wholeheartedly believe shorter chapters work better for Wattpad because most readers do read on mobile. But, I feel there's a certain disconnect that takes away from the story. This mainly has to do with the format of the chapter. As it is, chapter one left us with that action in the middle and had me going "okay, what'll happen next?" Carrying on the chapter, Alexa is suddenly at work? There's no type of break in between when her mother attacked her and when she goes to work. That is extremely jarring and kind of left me going "what?"

Part two, we get to see into Alexa's daily happenings. At this point, we're building the plot a little more and introducing her life some. Now I'm thinking you chose really well to split the chapter. But as we read on, there was the part where our MC was introducing herself to the elders and proceeded to call herself a "social outcast who is honored..." I kind of felt there wasn't really a need to reveal that as the current situation has nothing to do with if she's a pariah or not.

Last thing; I personally felt like all Ky really had to say was "the water level is very low... it's receding... etc." To me, it felt like you, as the author, was trying to give Alexa more credit or more "scene time" by having her recount what she saw. It just felt a little too forced to me.

Now that my troubles are over with, I don't hate the story. I think you have something golden here, truly. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was being unnecessarily rude with my previous thoughts. Past that, after reading the blurb and these first few parts, I'm excited to see what happens next. To me, the story laid out is unique, but as I said, with essentially only one chapter posted, I can't speak on the plot properly.

If I had to rate it, I wouldn't because that would be too unfair. Consider applying for another review once you have at least five chapters posted. Though still consider what I said above. If you need anymore clarity on my thoughts, please feel free to reach out.


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