Dear Diary || Jikook ||

Dear Diary 4

** Trigger Warning: Mention of Terminal Illnesses, Depression and Anxiety**

Dear Diary

I was hoping that you might come back yesterday night. But yeah, hope is meant for disappointment, I guess.

I've always hoped that I had friends or a family member that I could just go to, and pour my heart's content to, but I only had my husband and a two-year-old son. So maybe, Dr. Min's suggestion is not as bad as I thought.

The third day into this, not gonna lie, I felt slightly better. Just ever so slightly.

I didn't do much in the afternoon, with Jeon Min being taken to Jeon's mansion, I'm pretty free... I seldom take jobs recently, because I had a son that needs my full attention. But I was called to a job for a fashion show in Seoul. Thought that I had the time, so I took it.

First time in years waking up without my husband and my son felt a little off, but hey Jimin... Everything has its first time. But something felt off, as I noticed that I'm bruised and I know for a fact I did not fall or bumped into anything that could cause it. I didn't pay much attention to it though. Until my nose started to bleed halfway in the shower. I've never had a nosebleed before, so I thought the water temperature was high. Who would've thought things would change for the worst...

The traffic was smooth, well not really, but still easy to navigate.

I felt that there was something dripping down from my nose, at first I didn't pay much attention, just wiped it with the tissue. The smell in my nose was bloody. Something was definitely off, but still, I didn't let it stop me from going where I'm supposed to be.

I was greeted by my ex-manager, I swear her hug was so tight I could feel my bone being crushed. But she was always this enthusiastic. Jimin, are you okay? You looked really pale... Did you eat? I swear your jawline could easily slice someone by accident... I thought she was joking until I see myself in the mirror...

I was really pale, but that could be the foundation that I used mismatched. So I just brushed it off...

I changed into a piece that was specially designed for me to walk on the runway. The makeup artist complimented on how my skin condition was, but she too noticed that I was looking off... She told me, and I told her that there is nothing to be worried about.

I was patiently waiting for my turn, and I took a couple of selfies, and I sent one of them to my husband. There was no reply from his end, though the message was clearly read with two blue ticks...

Ladies and Gentlemen, let us welcome our most loved and honorable guest Jeon Park Jimin to the stage.

As I walked onto the ramp of the stage, I was a little dizzy, but I carried on. My vision got blurred at the far end of the stage, but I can vaguely see that some of the guests is pointing at me, not because I am a bad walker, I felt it, something warm started dripping off my nose... No, they weren't dripping, it was running down...

I woke up at the hospital sometime around the evening. Machines, pins, and needles were plugged into my arm.

I was greeted by my ex-manager and a doctor next to her.

She told me that my husband is unreachable, and she called the office and was told that my husband went on a short trip. I was the last to find out...

The doctor came close to me and ask me if I had any cancer medical history in my family, how am I to know when I'm orphaned at a very young age. So I told him that I have no idea at all.

Dr. Kim was really nice and somehow motherly. But he's a man. Dr. Min, I think you guys should meet sometime soon.

We need to do some tests on you Jimin, your prognosis should be out sometime in a week or maybe earlier.

I told Dr. Kim that I couldn't wait that long, because of my son. He might be back anytime soon. So he make some arrangements and told me that my result would be out by the morning. But he is not letting me out of the hospital.

I told my ex-manager to call Mrs. Jeon and tell her that I'm down with some weird flu, and Jeon Min would need to stay with them for a few more days.

Mrs. Jeon loved me too the way she spoke to me on the phone, was so soft and so reassuring. She asked about my husband's whereabouts, I lied for him, telling her that her son was on a working trip.

Waiting for the result is really unbearable because I'm not sure what's wrong.

I was scrolling to some social media, and there it was my husband's story. He was enjoying the sunset, with wine. I was happy for him, I really do. He deserved that. Until, the camera panned over to the lady, though it was just showing her back, but I knew exactly who it was.

I guess you were really happy, and I'm happy for you my love.

Dr. Kim came in really early in the morning. He told me that his dad used to be my doctor when I was a baby, and he gave me some of my birth parent's information. That explains why I felt like I knew Dr. Kim.

Jimin-ah, I'm not sure where to start. But your results are not what I'm expecting... Do you want to talk about it in your husband's presence?

If Dr. Kim knew what is going on between me and my husband, I think he might have eaten my husband alive. I lightly shook my head, telling him to go ahead and break the news.

Jimin-ah, you sure about this... I nodded, whatever it is, I'm going to go through it by myself. That's what I said.

Jimin, your results shows that you have Leukemia. Unfortunately, there is no cure for it as of now. Dr. Kim paused for a bit waiting for me to process.

Dr. Min, if I tell you that I'm not afraid of anything, I'm sure you would probably say that I'm crazy. But there I was. Not afraid at all. Because there is nothing scarier than my husband leaving me, or me leaving him in this case. So leukemia or no leukemia. Nothing really scares me right now.

I looked at Dr. Kim and asked the most crucial question. How long do I still have? Maybe he was taken aback because I could have sworn his eye could be popping out of his socket if he continued.

Sorry Jimin, the max you had would be two years. That if you are not infected with any other viruses or diseases.

All I had in my mind was what about my husband, would he be okay when I'm not around? Can he juggle between work and taking care of my baby Jeon Min? When I'm supposed to be asking if there is any other cure, or test or whatever that could be done.

Dr. Min, as my count down timer has started, I'm not sure would I be seeing you the next time. But if I ever do, thank you for being with me throughout my depression and anxiety attacks. If it's not because of you, I would have...

From depression to anxiety, and now terminal illness...

Day - 3.

PJM

***************

Author's Notes :

Dr. Kim is here guys, and if you can't guess, it's Jin.
Yes, this chapter is hard. But I promise, just two or probably three more, and it will be good. 

Comment, Vote and Share please :D

XOXO