Dear Diary || Jikook ||

Dear Diary 5

Dear Diary,

I have no idea how long since I last written Dr. Min. So sorry... Chemotherapy was no joke.

I lost the confidence in meeting people at this stage Dr. Min. Have you seen a walking skeleton before, yeah... that's basically me at this point. Can't really eat, vomiting out right away after food. Feeling cold even in summer... imagine that.

My husband still have no idea that I was on therapy, he bought into the idea of some weird flu that I had, and Dr. Kim promised that he will keep my secret safe until necessary. But he was there for me when I needed him though. On and off of course.

I still wonder when will he ask me for a divorce though. At least then he will not have to bear this responsibility in taking care of me. I have been a burden enough...

On better days, I would try and get out of the house taking a stroll along the river, watching my son play happily with the nanny. It's sad that I can't play along with him, sometimes it takes a lot just for me to carry him. I miss that, feeling my son lying on my chest.

Dinner last night was prepared by Jungkook. I'm not sure, if he notice that I couldn't eat much, my portion was just nice. But I'm so sorry my love, swallowing really hurts, I'm sorry for wasting the food that you have prepared. Sorry that you have to clean the mess that I have made. If I could I would never want you to do all that.

Is everything alright Minnie? We can go to a different doctor and get this checked. I hate to see that you are hurting and in pain, and I can't do anything to help... That is what my husband said in bed.

I felt that was genuine, he is really worried about me. But I don't know what to trust right now. Is it pity? Or was he changing back to the Kookie that I love?

His phone rang and rang in the middle of the night. Not that it bothered me, it's not easy for me to fall asleep these days since I started my therapy. He asked me to answer his phone for him though. First in a very long time. Previously he would do that when he was asked to get out of the house in the middle of the night by his friends. I would be the one who rejected them on his behalf.

As I answered the phone, Jungkookie, are you leaving him? I did not even get the chance to tell the lady that my husband is sleeping. I tried to wake my husband, letting him know that it was the lady. He sat up immediately, there I was thinking that he would get mad or something, but to my surprise, he asked me to tell the lady, that he won't be seeing her anymore, and not to call or disturb him from that point on.

Should I be happy? I was stunned at Kookie's reaction. Is he for real? Is he falling back in love with me? Or this is just pity?

I gave him back his phone after answering for him. As I looked into his eyes, I caught a glimpse of guilt. I tried to fight back my own tears, refusing to show him how hurt I was because I knew that he is having an affair for a long time.

Sorry, Minnie, I'm really sorry... What is he sorry for? I was there thinking while being pulled into his embrace. It was the warm embrace that I have felt before everything went down. His chest was soaked with my tears, and I think he felt it too as the hug got tighter, and he was shaking as well.

But I'm not sure, is this pity or is he trying to correct his mistake.

Dr. Min, I'm really confused, sad, and angry at the same moment. I hate myself in this way.

Lost count of which day.

PJM

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Author's Notes :What do you think, is JK trying to correct his mistake? Or just another trick?
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XOXO