hero's shadow // mha

43) courting benevolence

"I'm assuming there's no Hisashi tonight?"

Izuku's hands flex as he walks down the hallway, steps light and purposeful. He hates that name; he despises it. He wishes Auntie would quit calling the bastard that. That's not who he is. He was never Midoriya Hisashi.

No, Izuku's father has many names, but that's only because he knows damn well he doesn't belong anywhere. He shouldn't belong anywhere. He's a thief. An artist. A liar holding all the cards and dealing all the aces.

Midoriya Hisashi was just another name to add to an ever growing list of aliases. Izuku doubts he even holds any attachment to it, even now. Even with his own son sharing part of the name he made up. Even with his fucking wife sharing it.

And maybe that's why Izuku hates it so much. Maybe that's why he hates his last name and feels his heart jump a little every time someone says Yamada's first name in a certain tone of voice.

He could change it, is the thing. He could've done that years ago if he really tried. The legal stuff aside, it would've been easy to just start calling himself something different. He could've chosen a different name for himself—something he could actually be proud of. For a long time after escaping the grasp of his father, he'd debated using his mother's maiden name to get rid of Midoriya, but somehow he knew she wouldn't approve.

So Izuku instead listened to those nasty voices inside his head and left it how it was. Whether he regrets it or not now doesn't matter; he's stuck with it either way unless he decides to tell someone he'd like to change it.

But that would require giving a reason, and he'd rather not even go that far.

He just hates the way it sounds on his tongue . He hates that Hisashi was the only name his mother knew All for One by. It's the fact she didn't even know it was fake that pisses Izuku off. Inko fell in love with someone who didn't even exist, really. Hisashi was her daring husband, her lover, her sweet friend—but what she didn't know is that he was living another life under a much different name whenever Inko closed her eyes or even glanced in the other direction.

It was all so easy for All for One, too . That's what makes it worse.

"He never shows up. Did you really think he would?"

Izuku sucks in a shaky breath at the same time as he starts to dig his nails into his palms. He tries to think of what would've happened if his father had actually shown up, but the images in his head make him want to throw up on the polished tile beneath him, so he ends that line of thinking immediately.

He feels like punching something again. His fingers are twitching on their own accord, almost as if a current is going through them now. And since Kacchan isn't around to fuck up like he promised his friend he would later, he doesn't have much of an outlet.

The gyms are open for the parents to take a look at, so he can't exactly go in and destroy the one he's been frequenting these last few days. He also can't go pick a fight with Nezu, as he's surely busy, which leaves only a couple other options...

If anyone ever asks, he's going to call it a coincidence. Luck. Bad timing. That's always his excuse—and it works most of the time, because what are they going to do? Prove otherwise? With what evidence?

You shouldn't be searching for trouble like this, a soft voice says in his mind, but it just makes Izuku angrier. It sounds so patronizing. He hates these fucking voices. He's been hearing them a lot lately, making him think he must be going insane or something.

"It's crazy how I didn't ask," he says aloud, tracking the feeling of that hell quirk while he walks. "And I'm not searching for it. Where did you get that idea? Trouble just finds me, not the other way around."