hero's shadow // mha

68) edge of creation

When did Izuku decide to start running? He can't remember.

There had to have been a specific moment. That's how these things work. And yet, for all of Izuku's experiences and bad memories, he doesn't know.

Maybe it was when his mother first slapped him. He fell back when it happened, palms flat against the tile of the kitchen, and cried. Before Inko could do much of anything, Izuku had run away to his room.

It could've been then. Or maybe it was earlier than that. Maybe it was when he first noticed how strong Kacchan was when they were playing on the big kids' playground. Kacchan was bigger than Izuku, and he pulled miles ahead of everyone else. Izuku didn't want to be left behind, so his only option was to sprint to catch up so he wouldn't be forgotten.

But that's not fair to say, is it? Those times were understandable. Izuku ran from his mother back then because he was scared, and he ran after Kacchan all those times because he was determined to reach him.

That's not what he's talking about. What Izuku is trying to figure out is when he first decided to hide?

Why did he ever start running away from his opportunities? Why does he always turn tail and flee, knowing his destination probably won't be better than staying? Why is it that whenever there's a situation that doesn't just involve his own safety, Izuku crumbles?

He figures his father had something to do with it. Or maybe Stain. It pisses him off just thinking of the two of them. Izuku doesn't like that he can't say he's fucked up because of his own choices. No, if anyone knew the truth about him, they'd probably say he was screwed up by them.

Why is it always about All for One? Why does Stain haunt Izuku at every corner store in Japan despite being gone now?

Everything always leads back to his father, and Izuku hates that that's one thing he can't escape. Just once he'd like to be able to say he fucked himself up and have someone agree with him.

Maybe then he'd have the courage to stop running, to stop hiding, to stop pretending to be something he's not. If he tells Aizawa, would he agree with Izuku? Would he be honest with him?

Izuku will keep him in mind. As bitchy as the man is, he's never lied to Izuku about logical things.

Before Izuku dies, he'll ask Aizawa and get his answer.

"Oy, you going to eat that?" Hawks leans over and stabs at Izuku's piece of lava cake. "It's getting cold, ya know."

Izuku opens his eyes. The platter of various desserts that sits in front of him doesn't look as appetizing as it should. Maybe if his anger left him, his appetite would come to life once more.

When he turns, he sees Endeavor eating his fill with a kind of annoyed air around him that tells Izuku he's not happy about this arrangement either. He'd much rather be out fighting, without a doubt.

Izuku can't say he doesn't feel similarly.

The difference between the two of them now, however, is that Izuku is going to do something about his emotions.

He stands from the table after discreetly swiping the knife All Might left on the table. "I'll be back."

Endeavor grunts. "Where are you going?"

"Bathroom."

"Didn't you just go?" He asks, one eyebrow raised.

Izuku pauses at the door and looks back. "I paid someone to put laxatives in your drink as a joke before you arrived. Turns out they put it in the wrong one, and now I'm paying for it." Saying this, he puts a hand to his stomach.