{Eh? Swearing warning? Déjà vu?}
[Enosis POV]—mentions child abuse and prostitution—
My childhood consist of dry bread, rough to my gums, a hard wood floor, ruthless to my back, and dirty money from even dirtier hands.
I had a caring mother who tried her best to give me the simplest luxuries of a normal child which I thought was in vain—it certainly wasn't worth what she had done to please men for those small trinkets.
Winter was harsh, a constant battle for survival at the worst of times my mother would pull me close, hands on my back, my cheek to her bosom and despite being as close as possible she would tighten her arms around me as if the heat, the intimacy, the love was not enough.
She'd whisper, "I love you, Enos." I'd hear the vibrations from her hum as she soothed me with a lullaby. The only lullaby she knew was in a different language, but it's also the only lullaby I am familiar with because she sings it despite me not knowing the lyrics.
We'd cuddle in the small wooden shed in the slums as the snow piled up, so white and pure yet dangerous to us—I've never liked winter however when my mother stood outside in the lightly falling snow I doubted it. Her beautiful dark-skin, long black hair and the darkest eyes that seemed so bright regardless of the troubles she faced, I thought she was strong and unshakable.
Oh, how wrong I was...
Between her sobs she cried, "God, what sin have I caused?" I hid behind the door watching her miserable state, " am I really just a—whore." Rather than questioning her tone was of a statement, she already knew what she done to gain the small amount of money we had, I knew; she couldn't hide it well and I figured out.
Her beautiful tear stained face, I felt so hopeless. My mother wasn't as strong as I assumed, part of myself wasn't surprised. Maybe I had known all along that no one could possibly be so invincible.
I remember..
..a day in autumn I took her hand as we walked the streets, whispers could be heard, "Isn't that the slut?"
"Ahah! She even has a child damn what a hoe."
"Tsk so everyone has it easy if you sleep with a couple of men."
"How else could she afford a necklace for her kid!"The necklace she gave me was indeed expensive—well for us. When I looked at the necklace I remembered the taste of moldy bread in my mouth..if she hadn't brought it would she get to eat something else? I wondered uselessly, I knew she preferred to buy me little gifts like these as if a reminder of her love...the necklace was a simple silver cross regardless it displayed an aura of sin. The necklace dragged me down with a mixture of negative feelings
Yet...
....when she put it on me and I heard her whisper, "I love you, Enos." I didn't refuse her gift instead I felt the happiness of receiving love in the form of an object. My eyes gleamed and despite the texture of dry bread scathing my gums, my back achingly teasing me; reminding me. I took it. The simple silver cross charm, a gift from my mother.
*
*
*It was mid-winter when my mother came into the shed. A large bruise adorned her slender arm it held a certain ugliness to it. She didn't even bother to hide it from me as she usually does. Must have been a nasty customer. Fucker.
"Mother are you alright?" I asked making myself look obedient and 'pure.' Snow fell from her exposed shoulders and she trembled slightly as if enduring the shivering to appear strong however she answered honestly, "I'm a...bit tired" her lips curved into a smile as she sat beside me; gently placing my head on her lap like a glass vase.
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