Black And Grey

18.... Oh no

I keep taking glances at mom,and I have to keep reminding myself that she's the same mom I've know. She just looks different.

"Are you there,Jessy?" The doctor who I just told my name asks

I nod

"Your mom has been diagnosed with mesothelioma" he says and everything suddenly stops.

My mom? Nah... That can't be!.

"Isn't that like one of the deadliest type of cancer?" I ask him and he nods

"I'm sure the cancer showed her signs," he sighs. "She got exposed to asbestos. It continually scarred her lungs. I'm sure she got weak at some intervals but you just didn't show much concern to it" he says and I fall to the ground. I continue to rock back and forth, wondering what's going on.

"How long does she have left?" I ask quietly

"Well,it depends on what stage the cancer is on," he says. "But the normal range is twelve to twenty one months. We just have to hope that she has more months to live" he says.

I get up and I walk over to mom. I hug her so tight without disturbing the tubes connected to her. Tears slip out of my eyes and I sniffle, releasing myself from her.

"She must not stress herself too much,also. Let her avoid dusty places" the doctor says and I nod

I noticed her get weak,but I didn't think it was this serious.

This is horrible.

The doctor looks at me pitifully

"I'll have the nurse give you a list of drugs that she must always have with her. She has to be here for a few more days. The drugs are a bit expensive,but it's for her own wellbeing" he says and I nod

"Thank you doctor" I say and he nods.

*,*,*,
I feel so tired right now. I walk to my car;our new home and I just sit in it. If I stay around mom,I'll keep feeling bad and who knows what'll happen.

I knew from the start. She doesn't deserve me,she deserves a child who would actually be peaceful for once. A child that doesn't have a messed up love life. A child who respects men. A child who would actually love her.

And damn,I love her so much. I always have.

I just wish things were easier. I'm not asking for wealth right now,but I just want peace. I want peace! Why can't I have that? Why can't my family have that?

Everything just seems to go bad for us.

A few minutes later,I get down with some of mom's comfortable clothes that she can wear in the morning.

With a sigh,I lock the car and I head upstairs.

She's now in a ward,and she's the only one.

We didn't even discuss this. I know a private ward will be expensive.

Her eyes are closed and I sit on the chair right across her.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I take it out.

"Hey Amanda" I say

"I was at your house today and I was restricted" she says

"Oh yeah," I rub my hands across my face. "We don't live there anymore"

"Why?" She asks

"Look,Amanda. I really wanna explain but I'm not up for it. My mom is admitted to the hospital right now,and I'm just..." I stop trying to catch my breath.

"Is she okay?" Amanda asks

"She's not. I'm scared to be honest,all this... It's too much"

"Where are you?" She asks