The Truth About That Summer

seventy-one

I lean forward, inching closer to the window, like I'm sneaking, like I can't just walk out there and see for myself if that red hair belongs to who I think it does. Nausea rolls up my throat.

It better fucking not.

The crowd disperses, their greetings extended, and it's like I've been punched in the gut, all the air inside me being forced out.

A choked gasp escapes my lips.

Maya, her usual rose-tinted sunglasses perched on her delicate, up-turned nose, her skin so fair it gleams under the sun, the deep, fire-red of her hair catching the light whenever she turns, smiles and giggles as she disentangles herself from the crowd. She carries herself airily, gracefully.

Like living is so easy.

Blood rushes behind my ears. My fists shake.

Then, Jordan, just as fair but nearly a foot taller, and with the same flaming hair, leans in from behind her, muttering something in her ear. Her eyes meet her brothers and she throws her head back in a laugh, so free, so safe, that it makes me sick.

The emptiness tears through my chest again, so violently it leaves me gasping, my eyes stinging. I clamp them shut to try and regain composure, control.

Anything, anything to stop the red rage creeping into the corners of my vision.

There was a night, the summer before the accident, when Maya and I stayed out past curfew, determined not to be the losers who left the party early. Not when it was the biggest party of the summer.

For our class at least.

Luke and Casey were staying home, Jordan, too, playing X-box online together, but at their own homes, and pigging out.

We hadn't meant to stay out past curfew, but between the drinks and the cute boys and the music, we lost track of time.

It was Casey who texted me to say Mom and Dad were awake, waiting as the clock counted down. They were beginning to suspect I wasn't at Maya's, like I'd promised. They were threatening to call Mr. and Mrs. Cooper. It was Casey who talked them down, held them at bay as Maya and I scrambled for a ride home.

We made it home in one piece, despite the fact that Maya had convinced Jordan's friend to drive us and he seemed to have an alcoholic stench that surrounded him. I tried not to think of it, hoping, praying, that it was a secondhand smell, or something.

Thankfully, Casey eased Mom and Dad's suspicions enough that they had dozed off before I finally pulled into the driveway.

I met Maya at the smoothie shop the following morning to rehash the night.

"You grounded?" She groaned, rubbing her temples and taking a long slurp from her strawberry cream shake.

"Nope, Case covered. Mom and Dad fell asleep before we managed to get home. In the living room," I rolled my eyes at Maya - they'd done it on purpose, surely, so they'd know when I finally got in. "But Casey snuck me through the back window so they didn't hear a thing. Can't even say I broke curfew, because they were asleep before they could prove it." I put a bit of muffin in my mouth, hang-over nausea creeping over me as it hit my tastebuds. "You?"

"Same here. Jordan covered." She sighed deeply, pressing her hands to her eyes.

"What would we do without those two, huh?" I muttered, a half joke, half sigh of relief.

"No kidding," She laughed, and her nose scrunched up in that way it always did. "Can you imagine what it's like for Brynn? Or Luke?"

"Luke has Laura." I pointed out, chewing my straw now.