The Truth About That Summer

ninety-two

A sense of deja-vu clouds my mind as I sit at on the picnic bench, the worn slats of wood pressed firmly into the back of my thighs. The sun beats down overhead, sweat trickling down my spine as I overlook the play area.

The toddlers I spent all summer getting to know giggle wildly, building castles in the sandpit and tossing a rainbow-colored ball back and forth. The room coordinators have conveniently not looked in my direction since I sat down.

Not that I blame them.

Leaving them short-staffed without any notice was not exactly a shining moment for me, not that I've had many this summer.

But that's actually why I'm here, so that I can try and make things right, or at least as close to it as possible, before the summer ends. To apologize to Erica for leaving her high and dry.

It's just taking me a bit to work up the courage.

How much do I divulge? How do I possibly express how sorry I am? How much I miss the bustle and energy of the kids? How grateful I was for the opportunity to work in such a happy place, when I felt so low myself?

With a deep sigh, I push myself from the bench and decide to just get this over with.

Entering the building, I don't peer into any of the rooms, knowing that if I see Finn inside I might lose my composure. I keep my gaze on Erica's door, her name in purple bubble letters on the outside.

Knocking gently, I push my head inside and try not to sound meek. "Erica? Do you have a minute?"

Head snapping up, Erica glances at me over her glasses. "Oh, Dylan, this is a surprise."

I flinch, wondering if it's a quiet dig. It would be justified. Her tone doesn't seem like it though. I stall in the doorway, gnawing at my bottom lip.

"Please, please, come in." She gestures to a chair across from her desk and I take it, despite the fact that I hope this is a quick visit. "How are you?"

She cocks her head at me in a way that makes me think she isn't expecting the customary "I'm fine now let's move along," type of response.

Still, it's what I give her. "I'm okay. I just know that I left ... in a manner that was not exactly professional and I wanted to apologize. I-"

Erica holds up a hand, shaking her head immediately. "I hope I'm not overstepping here, Dylan. But Luke Henson - you know, Finn's uncle? He told me you two are very close. He filled me in."

Throat constricting, tears well in my eyes. Of course he did. Because that is just the most Luke Henson thing that I have ever heard. But how much did he "fill her in" on?

My mouth opens and closes while I try to find the right words. "I, um... So... He explained why I left then?"

She nods, expression serious. "He said there was a family emergency, you had to leave very quickly and didn't have a chance to give us notice. That you were dealing with a lot and likely would not be returning before the summer ended. Hence, my surprise to see you here. Now... How are you really doing? Is there anything I can do for you?"

Gratitude swells my heart until my chest is tight.

What did I ever do to deserve Luke? If one more person had to look at me like some fragile, broken thing, I wouldn't have been able to take it.

But the way Erica is looking at me, supportive but not pitying... This is okay. Understanding, despite the rough position I put her in. It's almost enough to make me admit the truth.

But I don't need or want to rehash my feelings, my complete breakdown, with someone who is just trying to help in whatever small way she can.

And Luke made it so that I didn't have to.