Drowning

What Is Love?

Finley started laughing, flopping backwards onto her bed. Next to her, Anna slugged her on the leg. She managed to let out an "oww" between laughs which only caused Anna to punch her again.

"I'm sorry." More laughs escaped Finley before she finally managed to compose herself. "That's so messed up. You are just literal chaos!"

"How was I supposed to pass up that opportunity?"

"Uh, by being a normal person?" Finley tilted her head to the side to look at her friend.

"There was no one at the desk! I was helping people."

"You don't just decide to take on a receptionist position because the worker isn't there!"

"Why not?" Anna raised her eyebrows. "Shawn Spencer would have taken the opportunity."

"Shawn Spencer is not a role model!" Finley threw her hand up in the air in exasperation.

Anna shrugged. "I'm just saying, I helped more people than the actual receptionist."

A heavy sigh escaped Finley's lips as she turned her head to stare back up at the ceiling. She loved her friend to death, but sometimes they couldn't be more different. Which was fine, it allowed Finley to live vicariously through her with certain things that she would never, ever do herself. They sat there in silence for a moment before Finley finally felt like she was ready.

"I want to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Friends, parents, nobody." When she glanced over, and she could see the confliction in her friend's eyes so she quickly added. "It's not bad, I promise."

"Okay." Anna nodded. "I promise."

Finley took a deep breath in and sat up so that she was looking at Anna. She folded her legs under her Indian style, providing a bowl in which her hands could reside, twisting together in nerves. Anna sat up a little straighter as she realized her friend was becoming weirdly serious for once.

"Okay, Um.... I—" Finley let out a nervous laugh. "I— Gosh, sorry, I didn't think it would be this hard."

Finley started rocking back and forth. It wasn't that hard, just three little words. "I've never said it out loud. I texted it before so I didn't think it would be so hard."

Anna offered her friend a small smile. "It's okay. Take your time."

"Okay. I..." But she couldn't get the next word out. It was really starting to get to her. Her hands rubbed anxiously on her legs in a vain attempt to relieve her stress. "It's nothing bad I swear. I don't know why this is so hard."

"You don't have to tell me." Anna's voice was soft, the sympathy coming off of her was palpable, she had never seen her friend like this.

Just tell her. You've already told Miguel. It's just three words, out loud, that's it. She felt so incredibly stupid that she couldn't just say it. Granted she had never said it out loud before, not in a romantic context. She took a deep breath in, filling her lungs to capacity, before she exhaled it all out. Get rid of all the nerves. 3, 2, 1...

"I- I l-love Eli."

And just like that it was out there, in one exhalation of breath. Finley smiled to herself, that wasn't so hard. Anna stared at her for a moment, shocked by what her friend had just said. The word love, when it was connected to a person, was not something she used lightly... ever. Whether it was friendly or romantic, she knew it wasn't something Finley took lightly- as evidenced by how hard she struggled to get the word out.

"Oh." Anna stared at her friend, struggling to grasp her mind around the fact that her best friend thought she loved someone. "What changed?"

"Nothing really." Finley shook her head, the embarrassed smile never leaving her face as she thought about Eli. "I just... I realized that was how I felt."

"So he didn't say, or do anything?"

Anna was beyond perplexed. For something that was such a big deal, Finley didn't seem to have any concrete reasoning behind it. And she knew that Finley and Eli didn't talk super often, so how did she think she loved someone she didn't even really know?

"No. I just, I'd do anything for him. And I know- I know how weird it probably seems, I don't really understand it myself."

"And you're sure?"

Anna was trying to be supportive, but she was also worried her friend was going to get hurt. If Finley really did love him, fine, but if not...

Finley's head cocked slightly to the side. "What do you mean?"

"Finley..." Anna took a breath, her face pinched together as she looked at the brunette across from her. "What do you think love is?"

For the first time, it occurred to Finley that maybe Anna wasn't all that excited for her. If anything, she looked concerned, almost worried.

Finley shrugged, shaking her head. "I don't know. Caring more about someone else than you do yourself. Wanting to make sure they're happy even if it means you're not. That you're willing to do anything for that person."

Anna took a deep breath in, pity filling her eyes now that she realized what was happening. "But that's not what love is."

Finley's brow furrowed as she looked at her friend. "Then what is it?"

Anna licked her lips, her eyes moving around the room for a few moments before she finally returned her gaze to Finley. "I honestly don't know. I wish I did, I wish I could just give you some answer, but I'm not sure."

Finley's eyes drifted down to her lap, focusing on her hands as her brain whirled. She knew Anna meant well and that whatever she said was only because she cared, they had been friends for too long for her to believe anything else. Maybe a very small part of her in the way back of her mind also knew that her friend was right, but that wasn't something she acknowledged, not yet.

"Okay." Her voice was quiet and she didn't look up.

"Okay? You're not, upset with me?"

Finley looked up at her best friend and scrunched her face as if she was shrugging. "I mean I still know I love him, but I can't really convince you of that so... agree to disagree, and move on?"

"I just don't want you to get hurt. You saying that you love him is a big deal, I get that."

"I know you do." Finley smiled softly at her friend.

Anna simply nodded her head, there wasn't much else that she could do or say. All Anna could do was hope and pray that her friend didn't get hurt, didn't matter which one of them was right. Maybe eventually she would love Eli, but as of right now, Anna knew that what Finley was feeling was simply attachment.

🥋

Super short I know, but I feel like it's important. I also don't want to leave out Anna and Belle completely cause I hate when fanfics have other OCs and just completely abandon them for no reason.