On Top Of The World

|1| i'm not hungry..

Nermanas POV
TW: Eating disorder talk

As much as I hate arguing with smartasses, Arguing with an idiot is even worse.

"Just admit that I'm right and you're wrong," Nalani screams staying put on my carpet.

" You're not right, you're never right," I scream back.

"This is why we never play," Divya shakes her head as she looks at us, She looks disappointed.

"You didn't have to play if you didn't want too," I retaliate crossing my arms.

"You threatened my cat," She states as Nalani smirks at me, "Nalani, I know you're not smiling". Nalani's smile drops as she fiddles with her fingers.

"Get up, Nalani," I order, She looks at me in shock before slowly getting up, she's obviously uncomfortable which just proved my point. "Look at her it's obvious she stuck that card up her ass."

"No I didn't," just as she protests a green card drops onto the floor beside her.

Divya looks at the card in shock before bursting out into laughter, her laugh is the most weird thing I've ever heard so it doesn't take long for Nalani and I to join in.

"I told you so," I huffed out of breath.

"I thought you were just being bitter," Divya lays flat on my rug out of breath.

"She is bitter," Nalani protests.

"Rightfully so, I was right," I smirk in Nalani's direction, mocking her earlier actions, "and because I was right that means you didn't win today's game of UNO, Nalani." She frowns as I grin righteously at her.

"Oh yeah," Nalani takes out a yellow UNO card from I don't even know where, I don't think I want to either.

"You're the worst cheat ever," Divya gawks at Nalani.

"What can I say, you either got it or you don't," Nalani smirks, trying to obtain her laughter. "It's not like I haven't done it be-." She stops talking looking like she can't contain herself at our pointed stares.

This bitch.

Divya giggles before taking out her phone, "It's almost 8, do y'all want McDonald's."

"Shouldn't you be supporting your parents restaurant chain?"I huffed jumping onto my bed as they gather their stuff. "I can't go I have to eat dinner with my mom."

"They have enough support and once in a while I need to get in some colonizer food," Divya hugs me, Nalani joins in.

"See you at school," Nalani says blowing me a kiss as they leave my room. "Can we still get McDonald's," I hear Nalani say in the distance, "Duh," Divya answers.

I huffed as I laid flat on my bed, I hear something, what is that sound, oh yeah it's nothing, this house is so quiet, it's depressing. At times like this I wish I had siblings but the horror stories I've heard from Nalani and Divya bring me back to my senses.

A faint knock comes from my door, "Come in," I say bored already from what I'll hear.

"Your mother calls for you, it's time for dinner," Rita states in her chirpy voice. I smile dismissively and she leaves.

Dinner with mom is so boring and awkward. My mom is just that person no one can get comfortable with, her aloofness is intimidating and makes you want to sit up straight and name your achievements just to get a sense of belonging but that doesn't help because she'll just smile and dismiss you, I've seen people get excited over her simply looking their way, everyone wants her approval yet no one gets it. Not even me.

I headed to my vanity sitting down as I gazed at my appearance. My hair is in its natural state, curly everywhere even my curtain bangs I remember having forehead acne and using my bangs to hide it, I also remember crying myself to sleep every night when my mom will look at my forehead in disgust, at least dad never cared.

"It's natural, you're growing up it was bound to happen," Dad smiled holding my shoulders.

"Divya and Nalani don't have acne," a tear slipped out of my eye.

"Well I guess that makes you unique," he wiped my tear away and kissed my cheek, " I had acne at your age too. "

"Really, what did you do?," I asked

"At first I was real insecure but I realised that it doesn't define me and I started to tolerate them until they left," Dad answered smiling, he was always smiling.

"Your acne just vanished," I raised my eyebrows disbelieving.

"Yeah, but not after my mom and I went on a skincare shopping spree," He beamed whenever he talked about his mom, my grandma.

"You know what that means," I smirked.

"Of course," he put on some sunglasses that he always has on him, "Get in the car, we're going shopping."

Dad doesn't live with mom and I anymore, I don't know why, dad suddenly packed up and never came to live with us again, he visits from time to time. I know he misses mom it shows by how he acts whenever we talk and mom comes up. When he visits, I cherish it, there isn't any time to ask what happened between them.

I get up putting on my slides and head to the dinner table. I see my mom staring into the distance, She barely talks anymore since dad had to leave. It was clear they loved eachother, 'your mom had a soft spot for him' my mom's aquaintances would tell me.

"Hi," I looked at her as I sat opposite her on our white table.

"Good evening," she replied taking a bite of her mashed potatoes. I looked down at my plate my mouth already watering.

"Just these mashed potatoes has 250 calories," She said looking at my face then at my plate.

I swallowed, Then picked at my food with the fork that laid beside it.

"Don't make me stop you," She takes another bite seemingly enjoying it.

I feel disgusting after hearing that, this whole plate must be 600 calories that's way too much for one meal and I would've eaten it all if I hadn't known.

"I'm not hungry," I get up and storm out running up to my room slamming my bedroom door behind me.

I walk cautiously to my vanity sitting down, I assess my features noticing a small blemish on my face, shit I hope Nalani and Divya hadn't noticed. I walk up to my full sized mirror that's in my wardrobe, taking off my shirt assessing my body, my belly has definitely grown larger it has to be all the food I've been eating, I take a picture, I have to remember what I look like or I'll forget how many things I have to fix and there's a lot.

I sit on my vanity's stool staring at my features until I can't anymore, I seriously don't know how people look at me without retorting their face in disgust. Then the realisation plunges into me, I have to go to school tomorrow looking like this, a tear falls into my lap.

Reaching into my pocket for my phone I look up some of my favourite body inspirations on Instagram, if only I looked like them.

When I'm with my friends they always make me forget my worries and insecurities, I'm not me I'm someone else around them. They can't see me, my worries and insecurities are so depressing, they'd leave, I'm sure of it. I can't have them leave, they're all I have. I don't know when I drift into slumber but I do. Sleep is the only time I can escape my mind.