✅ My Sister's Problem

11. Management

I woke up slowly in the morning, comforted by a pacifier that was still in my mouth for once, and a snuggly little bear in my arms. It was maybe a bit weird that I started thinking of Lincoln as 'he' again, instead of 'it'. Almost like he's a real person, or like I'm a little kid who doesn't know the difference. But it felt good, so I didn't think about it too much. Maybe in babying myself, just a few little accessories, I was giving myself permission to think like a kid too. I lay there thinking about it, and how good I felt, for a couple of minutes. Until another buzz from my new fitness band reminded me that I had an alarm set for today. It knew I was awake now, even if I hadn't moved; so it would give me an occasional reminder until I either disabled it or got out of my lovely, comfortable bed.

For a moment I thought about just staying there, pretending I was a a little kid focused only on what felt good right now. I was being childish anyway, so why not go all the way? A second later a terrible thought occurred to me. Just how childish was I? Had I wet the bed like a baby?

I sat up a little and checked with my hand. I shouldn't have needed to, that was dumb. I was sure that if my clothes were wet I would have been able to feel it right away. But in that half-asleep state it seemed natural that I would have to check to be sure. I was still dry, even after checking twice. And the movement helped me to feel a little more awake. Plus, of course, reminding me that my little sister had wet the bed too. And that she would be more likely to accept diapers if there was no chance of me overhearing her conversation with Mum.

I pulled out my phone and checked her sleep cycle. To my surprise I saw that she'd actually slept more deeply than usual this time; the theta block that had started with her hand in a bowl of water had actually lasted more than an hour, so she was sure to be well rested in the morning and ready to face the day. In general there was a lot of green and blue, with no noticeable yellow lines for the whole night. Had she been more tired than usual? I wondered if that might be the difference between last night and my attempt on Tuesday, that had made her respond to my trick so easily. Of course, it could just be a coincidence. But the other possibility that came to mind was that wetting herself had somehow helped her to relax more. Helped her feel like a little kid again in her dreams, like the pacifier had been doing for me. If you were having a happy dream, would you stay in that dream, and sleep deeper for longer?

I didn't know anything about that. Whatever I assumed would be a complete guess. For all the sensors on the SVX2, it didn't have anything to monitor eye movement. That was one area where the proper sleep labs still had the edge. In any case, Lindy had slept really, really deeply... until about half an hour ago, when she had apparently slipped into an alpha sleep state and then immediately woken up.

I didn't want to disturb her. But I needed to get up and get out of the house, so that she could have a serious conversation with Mum undisturbed. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom first, very carefully not looking into Lindy's room in case she was still there, but I could see from the corner of my eye that she was already gone. There were no sheets on the bed, and a clear space on the floor around it. It must have taken some effort to strip her bed without waking me in the next room, so I decided that I would repay her caution by not noticing the faint smell in the air. I could smell lemons, but certainly wouldn't think any more about it, and wouldn't link it to the 'Citrus Cascade' products that Mum always used for more intense cleaning tasks.

I dressed in comfortable workout gear, not bothering with the uniform for today. The whole day would be practice, and I knew I would be sweating a lot by the time I got home. Then I hurried downstairs, making my tread a little heavier on the stairs so that Lindy would know I was coming and have time to change the subject if they were talking about something she didn't want me to hear. From the bottom of the stairs I could hear that the washing machine was running; that probably meant that I'd missed most of the important debate.

"You're up early," Mum said over her shoulder. "Do you want–"

"No thanks," I answered quickly. I'd already grabbed a cupcake from the fridge. "I'll get a proper breakfast from Berkett's on the way. Early for you too, isn't it? It's not a school day, you know."

"I know," Lindy snapped. "I'm not an idiot you know. I just woke up early, so I came down. Nothing else happened." It would have been so easy to argue there, she was just setting herself up for embarrassment. But she was still my little sister, and I wanted her to be happy. I would have no need to embarrass her again once there were diapers in the house. If she thought I didn't know, that was perfect for me. I'd already got my skates on so I just smiled and opened the door.

"Okay. Nothing I need to wish you luck for then? Have a nice day."

I didn't leave the neighbourhood right away. The back garden next door was sheltered by tall hedges, that were starting to get a little overgrown under the summer sun. Nobody would see me here, and I could practise for as long as I wanted without any problems. I set the alarm on my phone for an hour, and started throwing the ball against the wall. Trying to judge where it would bounce so I could catch it; and I thought I was getting better at that because quite often I was moving towards the right spot. Getting it into the hoop was harder, still beyond me.

I was trying some of the handling tricks that people did to show off, too. Like spinning a ball on my fingertip. Somehow that was actually easier than getting it in the net; but I couldn't do any of the fancier stunts yet. I felt like I was slowly getting better but I was still an awful long way off being good.

I'd gone back to dropping the ball and trying to catch it as it bounced back – possibly a precursor to learning to dribble properly – when I heard faint voices from the other side of the hedge.

"It's not fair!" Her voice was higher than usual, clearly upset and trying not to yell in order to maintain some privacy. "I'm not a baby." I didn't hear Mum's response, but the voices continued at a lower volume until I heard the car pull away. I guessed she was going to buy some diapers this time. The first time could have been a one-off, but now she was just being practical. Lindy might not like it, and I did feel bad about that, but it wasn't like it was going to cost her anything. She would just be wearing different underwear at bedtime for a couple of weeks.

I focused on basketball for a few minutes, and thought maybe I was getting a little better. Then it was off to practice at school, stopping briefly at the nearest convenience store to grab some food for energy. Everything finally looked like it was going to plan.

Nadine talked about Jim again. She just said she was having a good time when anyone else asked, but when we were taking a breather at the same time she confessed that he'd taken her to an arcade, played some silly games, and given her a giraffe from some crane game. He seemed like a perfect gentleman, and even if he wasn't like a real boyfriend that made her happy. She seemed scared that people would judge her; but I told her again that the important thing is what feels good for you, in your heart. I was starting to understand by now that doing what feels right might be the best way to live, regardless of what we've been told we should want. And maybe that was as true for me as it was for her.

We were exhausted by the time we finished. Even more than usual, which was saying something. Perhaps I was a more demanding taskmaster than Harper; or we'd just been extra motivated to push ourselves while the sun was shining. But I couldn't wait to get home and take a break.

I had a little detour on the way back. Maggie was grateful, said I'd really helped her with a couple of tips on her posture, and she wanted to treat me. So we got icecream and hung out in the park for a while, enjoying the weather. But then I was off home, and I was already thinking about what I would find when I got there.

Or rather, where I would find it. Lindy would have diapers by now, I was sure. But she would also have hidden them somewhere in her pigsty, because she didn't want me to know they were there. Would I be able to figure out her hiding place and sneak one or two out without her noticing? I didn't know if I should go searching when I got home, or wait until after dinner. But I decided I could play it by ear. I was confident now, and tired but happy after the day's sports.