21. Understanding

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Mum was furious in the morning. Of course she was. She'd told Lindy that she could stop wearing diapers tonight, if she was really confident that she no longer needed them. And then last night, the last time she had to wear one, she had chosen not to. But for all that, Mum didn't like to yell. She didn't want to ruin the holidays, not when it was the morning Lindy was supposed to be going away with all her friends. Still, she had to mention how rushed she was going to be to do an extra load of laundry this morning. And she was slightly sarcastic about Lindy's failure to put things away after she'd used them, which I guessed was in reference to whatever she'd used to make her mysterious potion.

I wanted to support my sister, so I didn't try to listen in on their conversations or find out what was going on. But I could hear the words "We can talk about this later," in a firm tone that made it clear she wouldn't forget. Lindy could have fun for now; it was a special occasion for her. But she would have to deal with the consequences of her decision when she returned. I thought that maybe she was starting to realise that it was a real problem. I saw her taking a bunch of the SleepSafe pull-ups out of their package and trying to hide them in the middle of the pile of clothes in her bag when Mum wasn't looking. She wanted to project confidence; she was a girl who was sure she didn't need any kind of protection, and would take it as an insult if anyone suggested she did. But she also didn't want to wake up in a soaked sleeping bag in front of all her friends. Last night had convinced her that it could still happen, and now she was trying to do the best she could without openly acknowledging the possibility.

I wanted to tell her that she didn't have anything to worry about; that she wouldn't have an accident while she was away. I wanted her to be comfortable when she was having summer fun with her friends. But at the same time, I knew that she wouldn't take my opinion seriously unless she knew that I had been responsible. And, right now, I genuinely didn't know if she could stay dry while she was away. Last night had been a total surprise to me, I didn't know anything about what had happened. It was the first time in a little over a year that she'd wet the bed without me putting her hand in a bowl of water, and yet somehow that thought made me feel even more guilty. Like I'd caused a permanent problem; but that couldn't be possible. Could it?

I couldn't stop thinking about it over breakfast. Everything was slightly rushed; and Lindy kept dashing off to check that she'd packed things, every time her train of thought passed something that she might have forgotten. Mum was calling other parents now, making sure that all of their plans were still in place. Even when it wasn't anything to do with us, she wanted to double-check the carpool situation and make sure that none of Lindy's friends and classmates would have any trouble getting to the campground. There were a few unexpected problems; like one girl whose name I don't think I'd heard before being stranded because her uncle's car wouldn't start. But Mum was the chief organiser now, so she passed the message around, bouncing it from one side of the phone tree to the other until she could find someone in the right part of town to offer a lift.

I was the eye of the storm, eating slowly and lost in my thoughts while those two bustled around me, trying to do everything at once. After what seemed like forever, they were out of the door and I was alone with my thoughts. Mum would be taking Lindy to meet one of her friends – I didn't remember which one – and then come back once they were on their way to the campground. So I had a little time to myself, so that I could investigate more.

First I looked in the kitchen. There were things in the dishwasher that I was sure were part of Lindy's plan. A weird gimmicky utensil that I'd gotten Mum for her birthday last year, that was supposed to chop herbs really fine. A garlic press. Two small knives. A small jug, and a whisk. A funnel, presumably so that she could put lemonade back into its bottle after adding something to it. She'd used some kind of herbs, but when I checked the bin there were no packages marked with what they had contained, although there were two blister packs that might have contained some kind of tablets. Caffeine pills, which might have explained my sister's restlessness in the evening if she'd thought they would help her focus when she was brewing her potion, and a supermarket-branded pack that gave no hint what had been in it. For all I knew it could have been from her hay fever meds, or something that Mum was on now. No clues; I'd have to interrogate Harper later if I wanted an answer.

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